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  • Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

    My boyfriend & I have been living together for over a year. His ex-wife is continually emailing, texting and calling him to make derogatory remarks about me and my children and how our household is run. They have final a parenting plan and visitation schedule set up. But whenever it's time for us to get the 6 yr old daughter for his visitations, she causes a big fight about the daughter coming here. There is always an argument. She threatens to call Social Services on me and the police on her ex because I'm not fit to take care of the daughter and he's a druggy *******. (She already tried to prove he was doing drugs but that motion was denied when he passed a drug test.) The ex wife tells the daughter that it's not safe for her over here, we won't take care of her properly, my kids will try to hurt her or touch her inappropriately, etc. Even when it's not time for his visits, she is texting him about how horrible I am and how bad our house is and that the daughter shouldn't be here, etc. It is constant and ongoing and has been this way for over a year. The ex wife blames me for the demise of their marriage. Even though she had previously filed for divorce before they'd even lived here. She vacated those divorce proceedings and they moved to CO. He left her when things got so bad he couldn't stand her abuse any longer. She has one arrest for domestic violence and spent the weekend in jail. She has assaulted him other times when he didn't call the cops on her as well. Their daughter has witnessed her mother screaming obscenities at her dad & at me on numerous occasions. I am at the end of my rope. I can't stand the fighting, I am not sleeping, I have lost 15 pounds, I am stressed and anxious all the time about whether she's called SOMEONE about something she thinks has been done wrong here, She is affecting the relationship between the 6 yr old and me as well as the 6 yr old and my children. The 6 yr old is scared of my kids. What recourse do I have in this situation? i can't afford to take her to court every time she says something untrue or whatever. I just want the harassment to stop. She is very careful not to say anything or text anything directly to me though... it's all done through my boyfriend. He has numerous texts from her to back this up.

  • #2
    Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

    Originally posted by msmac67 View Post
    My boyfriend & I have been living together for over a year. His ex-wife is continually emailing, texting and calling him to make derogatory remarks about me and my children and how our household is run. They have final a parenting plan and visitation schedule set up. But whenever it's time for us to get the 6 yr old daughter for his visitations, she causes a big fight about the daughter coming here. There is always an argument. She threatens to call Social Services on me and the police on her ex because I'm not fit to take care of the daughter and he's a druggy *******. (She already tried to prove he was doing drugs but that motion was denied when he passed a drug test.) The ex wife tells the daughter that it's not safe for her over here, we won't take care of her properly, my kids will try to hurt her or touch her inappropriately, etc. Even when it's not time for his visits, she is texting him about how horrible I am and how bad our house is and that the daughter shouldn't be here, etc. It is constant and ongoing and has been this way for over a year. The ex wife blames me for the demise of their marriage. Even though she had previously filed for divorce before they'd even lived here. She vacated those divorce proceedings and they moved to CO. He left her when things got so bad he couldn't stand her abuse any longer. She has one arrest for domestic violence and spent the weekend in jail. She has assaulted him other times when he didn't call the cops on her as well. Their daughter has witnessed her mother screaming obscenities at her dad & at me on numerous occasions. I am at the end of my rope. I can't stand the fighting, I am not sleeping, I have lost 15 pounds, I am stressed and anxious all the time about whether she's called SOMEONE about something she thinks has been done wrong here, She is affecting the relationship between the 6 yr old and me as well as the 6 yr old and my children. The 6 yr old is scared of my kids. What recourse do I have in this situation? i can't afford to take her to court every time she says something untrue or whatever. I just want the harassment to stop. She is very careful not to say anything or text anything directly to me though... it's all done through my boyfriend. He has numerous texts from her to back this up.
    Honestly? This is an issue best handled between your boyfriend and his ex. HE is allowing it to continue, simply by failing to address it himself. She will continue her behavior until he tells her to stop - and reinforces that through whatever actions are necessary, including but NOT limited to court action for the continued harassment.

    Step back and let your boyfriend handle his business. If he won't, then the problem has nothing to do with you, and you should re-think your relationship with someone who doesn't value your well-being in a situation like this.
    "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
    "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
    "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

      I wish to inform you that you and your boyfriend can send a notice that all such activities must be stopped. If other party does not restrict its activities then you and your boyfriend can have a court ordered injunction. In this a no contact order can also be obtained. In no contact order other party will be refrained fro contacting you.

      AFF

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      • #4
        Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

        Block her phone number on his phone. Redirect emails to a separate folder.
        Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

        I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

        Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

          Disagreeable that is bad advice. Mom must be able to reach dad, they have a child together.

          OP has already said mom doesn't even contact her, which is how it should be. OP needs to step back and let dad handle things. His daughter doesn't have to like her kids. We're only getting one persons view here. Maybe OPs kids pick on her. Maybe the daughter is an immature six and doesn't like being away from mom. Hard to say.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

            To get a no-contact restraining order, you must first get a temporary restraining order lasting up to seven days. After this, you can ask the court for a final injunction. A final injunction is a no-contract restraining order lasting up to four years. Bring to court any information you have regarding the abuser's whereabouts. This includes things like the abusers home address, work address or family members' addresses. A law enforcement agency will use this information to serve your abuser with the restraining order.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

              Originally posted by goddessoflubboc View Post
              Disagreeable that is bad advice. Mom must be able to reach dad, they have a child together.

              OP has already said mom doesn't even contact her, which is how it should be. OP needs to step back and let dad handle things. His daughter doesn't have to like her kids. We're only getting one persons view here. Maybe OPs kids pick on her. Maybe the daughter is an immature six and doesn't like being away from mom. Hard to say.
              I was referring to this issue in terms of dad. Sorry I was not specific. If mom is successfully bullying him, he needs to take control away from her, even if only for a short time. During this time, she will be able to contact him via email, she will just need to learn to limit it to necessary information. Once she has stopped the bullying, he can allow her phone access again. Sometimes, you need to treat a co-parent like a child, until you have taught them to properly co-parent.
              Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

              I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

              Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

                Originally posted by msmac67 View Post
                My boyfriend & I have been living together for over a year. His ex-wife is continually emailing, texting and calling him to make derogatory remarks about me and my children and how our household is run. They have final a parenting plan and visitation schedule set up. But whenever it's time for us to get the 6 yr old daughter for his visitations, she causes a big fight about the daughter coming here. There is always an argument. She threatens to call Social Services on me and the police on her ex because I'm not fit to take care of the daughter and he's a druggy *******. (She already tried to prove he was doing drugs but that motion was denied when he passed a drug test.) The ex wife tells the daughter that it's not safe for her over here, we won't take care of her properly, my kids will try to hurt her or touch her inappropriately, etc. Even when it's not time for his visits, she is texting him about how horrible I am and how bad our house is and that the daughter shouldn't be here, etc. It is constant and ongoing and has been this way for over a year. The ex wife blames me for the demise of their marriage. Even though she had previously filed for divorce before they'd even lived here. She vacated those divorce proceedings and they moved to CO. He left her when things got so bad he couldn't stand her abuse any longer. She has one arrest for domestic violence and spent the weekend in jail. She has assaulted him other times when he didn't call the cops on her as well. Their daughter has witnessed her mother screaming obscenities at her dad & at me on numerous occasions. I am at the end of my rope. I can't stand the fighting, I am not sleeping, I have lost 15 pounds, I am stressed and anxious all the time about whether she's called SOMEONE about something she thinks has been done wrong here, She is affecting the relationship between the 6 yr old and me as well as the 6 yr old and my children. The 6 yr old is scared of my kids. What recourse do I have in this situation? i can't afford to take her to court every time she says something untrue or whatever. I just want the harassment to stop. She is very careful not to say anything or text anything directly to me though... it's all done through my boyfriend. He has numerous texts from her to back this up.

                You have several problems that exacerbate an already hostile drama between your boyfriend and his ex. First, you are in a meretricious relationship by living together with children, without being married. That leaves the door open for her to raise that issue with the courts, often manned by judges with 'old school' values. You may be here today and gone tomorrow. It also sets up a poor moral example for the young children. The children are very young, both yours and his. The ex can make an issue over this situation which many psychologists believe is harmful to children. It is an unstable situation, children bond with adults they have in their life and while most recommend one not even introduce their dating partners to their children until they believe and want the relationship to become permanent, you two have moved in together and are playing husband and wife while you have no commitment to each other --other than 'boyfriend/girlfriend.' The impact on both your sets of children will be emotionally damaging should you break up and go your separate ways.

                That being said, your boyfriend is going to have to deal with the ex. You have no standing to. Restraining orders, stay away orders, are impractical because of the visitation he needs to have with his child.

                So he has a neurotic if not out bat___t crazy ex. As long as the two of you are together, you will have to deal with her -- vicariously through one form of harassment or another. You are the one who has posted so the replies should be to you, for your welfare. My recommendation is that you get some counseling to evaluate what your choices are for your best interests at this point in time. You may need to think through the situation you are in and through talking some things out, you may be able to come to a decision as to what moves to make that are in your best interests and your children. The law is not a solution to all problems. Common sense trumps all.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

                  I agree that restraining orders and no contact orders aren't appropriate given that he has to have some contact with his ex regarding their daughter. He can't block her number on his phone either. She has already been warned and cautioned by the judge (they both have) about not texting about anything other than the daughter's welfare or scheduling. But she's not abiding by that warning. So basically the gist of it that I am getting out of all these responses is that it's my own fault. I'm wrong for living with the man I love. I am damaging my children as well as his. I just have to put up with all the crap until he decides to man up and stops letting her bully him around. Or I have to leave him and inflict even more damage on the children in the process. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Either way I'm miserable and the bad guy. good to know........

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

                    It is a fact of life, when we make our beds, often we must lay in them.

                    Good Luck.
                    Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

                    I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

                    Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

                      After reviewing the responses again, SandyClaus is the only one who actually makes sense. What I was hoping to hear was that there were things legally speaking that I could do to put her in her place, so to speak. Turns out there isn't. She has to grow up and so does my boyfriend. It's not what I want to hear but she is right... this is his issue with his ex and if he doesn't value my well being then I need to re-think things. Thank you to Sandyclaus - one diamond response among 9 pieces of coal!!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

                        There is nothing you can do to put her in her place. I advised you what he could do to put her in her place. She wants attention. Take it away and train her.
                        Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

                        I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

                        Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

                          Originally posted by msmac67 View Post
                          I agree that restraining orders and no contact orders aren't appropriate given that he has to have some contact with his ex regarding their daughter. He can't block her number on his phone either. She has already been warned and cautioned by the judge (they both have) about not texting about anything other than the daughter's welfare or scheduling. But she's not abiding by that warning. So basically the gist of it that I am getting out of all these responses is that it's my own fault. I'm wrong for living with the man I love. I am damaging my children as well as his. I just have to put up with all the crap until he decides to man up and stops letting her bully him around. Or I have to leave him and inflict even more damage on the children in the process. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Either way I'm miserable and the bad guy. good to know........
                          You walked into and are living with a situation where your boyfriend has a hostile relationship with his ex -- young children -- that he will have to live with the situation until they are grown. The coal is not in the answers but in the situation itself.

                          As to the impact on your children, you report it already is affecting your children.

                          I advised you sit with a counselor so you can think out options you have to dealing with the situation and your children. Your boyfriend is going to have to deal with his ex and there is little to nothing you can do except extract yourself from any interaction with her.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Disagreeable View Post
                            It is a fact of life, when we make our beds, often we must lay in them.

                            Good Luck.
                            I have been with my boyfriend almost 5 years. we have lived together for almost 3. He had his children every other week. his ex wife never stops harassing us. sending me nasty text messages, putting me down, telling me lies about him cheating on me, all kinds of stuff. im telling you, its never gonna stop. that woman will be a thorn in your ass until the kids are grown. it has put a huge strain on our relationship. we hardly have one anymore. get out now. things will only get worse as the kids get bigger.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

                              I am going through the same excaut thing, My boyfriend's ex wife is a complete nut job! She constantly calls and texts him about both of us. Finaly my boyfirnd got a restraining order and it works wonders!! You can recieve a restrainging order and still have your custody with the children! IT only prevents her from contacting him! it does not prevent her to withholding the police and I know this because we had to call the police because she was withholding them blaming it on the OOP. The officer told her no she may not withhold the children and it went down in public record that she withheld the children! My advice is tell you boyfriend to get an OOP it helped our relationship 110%

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