Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

[trallallero]

We, a family with 2 daughters (4 and 9 years old, Italian like me), live in Germany and my wife, a sort of depressed housewife from Grenada, fall in love with a guy in Grenada. She passes the day on internet talking to him on skype and she convinced him to go to London to find a job so she can meet him every weekend flying from Germany to London.

During the last months she spent all the money we have so now there would be no money to travel to London but she doesn't care.

I am the one that teaches our kids English, mathematics, music, etc and that brings them to sport, cinema, etc as she just thinks about him and London (of course she cooks and cleans the house).

Could this be a good reason to get the custody of our kids ? she was also looking for a job in London time ago so there's a risk that she will leave the family to go living in London. When I met her, 16 years ago, she just left her 2 years daughter and went away with me. And we don't change our nature.

Thanks in advance.

[Disagreeable]

re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

I suggest you plan your separation before she takes the kids and leaves.

[sandyclaus]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

We, a family with 2 daughters (4 and 9 years old, Italian like me), live in Germany and my wife, a sort of depressed housewife from Grenada, fall in love with a guy in Grenada. She passes the day on internet talking to him on skype and she convinced him to go to London to find a job so she can meet him every weekend flying from Germany to London.

During the last months she spent all the money we have so now there would be no money to travel to London but she doesn't care.

I am the one that teaches our kids English, mathematics, music, etc and that brings them to sport, cinema, etc as she just thinks about him and London (of course she cooks and cleans the house).

Could this be a good reason to get the custody of our kids ? she was also looking for a job in London time ago so there's a risk that she will leave the family to go living in London. When I met her, 16 years ago, she just left her 2 years daughter and went away with me. And we don't change our nature.

Thanks in advance.

So, knowing that her "nature" was to leave the kids with someone so that she could enjoy a weekend fling with someone else, and you still had more kids with her? And you want full custody now of those kids as a result? I seriously doubt it.

[trallallero]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

I suggest you plan your separation before she takes the kids and leaves.

Yes, I know, that's what I'm doing also because, for a strange German law, if she comes back from London pregnant, I am the father... wtf ?!?

So, knowing that her "nature" was to leave the kids with someone so that she could enjoy a weekend fling with someone else, and you still had more kids with her? And you want full custody now of those kids as a result? I seriously doubt it.

Could it be possible that NOW I gained the experience that "we cannot change our nature" ? just an idea. And the situation, 16 years ago, was totally different as she was in a bad family, really bad, and she was only 18 years old but she had no problems in just going away leaving her kid. Now she is 38 and we are not a bad family, at all. So SHE is the one that is creating problems to our kids, not me.


What I am asking is: can her bad behaviour be a good point for me to get the custody ? I also doubt it but, I mean, she is the one that is destroying the family, not me.
I also have documents that show that she has spent 7000€ in 3 months, in nothing.
Almost 400€ in 3 days of phone calls (then the phone "got broken" otherwise it would be much more). In 2007 she went to her country bringing the German phone and I had to pay a bill of 1750€ for 1 month of calls!

[goddessoflubboc]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

Bills for services such as phone calls or flights are not indicators of personality or ability to parent.

Also it's not a strange German law - it's the law in nearly every country that a married man is his wife's child's legal father. In most places it's a rebuttal presumption for some time period.

Given how long ago she left her eldest child - presumably with those better equipped to parent - then you are on at best equal footing for custody.

[trallallero]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

Ok, thanks for the info.

Strange that those bills are not indicators of ability to parent because, with all the money she gets from the state and from me, actually both the fridge and the pantry are empty. I'm making pictures that I will bring to the (sort of) lawyer we are going to meet on Tuesday.

[sandyclaus]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

Ok, thanks for the info.

Strange that those bills are not indicators of ability to parent because, with all the money she gets from the state and from me, actually both the fridge and the pantry are empty. I'm making pictures that I will bring to the (sort of) lawyer we are going to meet on Tuesday.

If the fridge and pantry are empty, and you want to be the one to get custody of your children, then why aren't YOU going out and shopping to stock them yourself?

Pointing fingers at what she is or isn't doing is one thing, but where your kids are concerned, YOU are their parent as well. You are just as responsible for feeding those children as she is.

How would you expect to handle custody over the children if you aren't capable of making sure they get fed when Mom isn't doing it? There's more to raising the kids than just teaching them English, mathematics, music, etc and transporting them to their extracurricular activities.

[Guest]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

You posted a lot about her actions, nothing about the fact that the children were being neglected. One would think you'd be far more concerned about your children eating, and what could the done if she spent all the money without caring for them first.

As Sandyclaus stated, you have an equal OBLIGATION to care for your children. Standing on the sidelines pointing fingers does not earn you brownie points.

[trallallero]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

If the fridge and pantry are empty, and you want to be the one to get custody of your children, then why aren't YOU going out and shopping to stock them yourself?

Pointing fingers at what she is or isn't doing is one thing, but where your kids are concerned, YOU are their parent as well. You are just as responsible for feeding those children as she is.

How would you expect to handle custody over the children if you aren't capable of making sure they get fed when Mom isn't doing it? There's more to raising the kids than just teaching them English, mathematics, music, etc and transporting them to their extracurricular activities.

Are you serious or what ?
Time ago we both agreed on a certain amount of money that I have to give her monthly to handle the house, buy food and pay the kindergarten.
Now, I have a good job but: after having payed the rent, the energy, various insurances, the car, the benzine, the karate school, the music school, the cinema, swimming pool, zoo, toys and god knows what else, can you please explain me where I could find the money to compensate the idiocy of my future ex-wife ?

BTW: can someone answer this, please ?
When we will be in-house separated and I have to give her a fixed amount monthly (I guess I'll have to) but she goes to London and comes back without money (she does it, I know her), what happens ? as said, I don't have money to compensate, so ?

[trallallero]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

You posted a lot about her actions, nothing about the fact that the children were being neglected. One would think you'd be far more concerned about your children eating, and what could the done if she spent all the money without caring for them first.

As Sandyclaus stated, you have an equal OBLIGATION to care for your children. Standing on the sidelines pointing fingers does not earn you brownie points.

You should have been here at my home today... you would not have written this.
I played a lot with them, brought them eating something out (guess why), taught the little to write, made crosswords and logic problems with the bigger, played angry birds on the wii, ...
She cooked, cleaned a bit and stayed on internet for the rest of the day.

[Guest]

You should have been here at my home today... you would not have written this.
I played a lot with them, brought them eating something out (guess why), taught the little to write, made crosswords and logic problems with the bigger, played angry birds on the wii, ...
She cooked, cleaned a bit and stayed on internet for the rest of the day.

Do you want an award for parenting? News flash it's the most thankless job around.

No matter your relationship with mom the kids come first. Take the high road, it wil pay off in the end.

[sandyclaus]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

Are you serious or what ?
Time ago we both agreed on a certain amount of money that I have to give her monthly to handle the house, buy food and pay the kindergarten.
Now, I have a good job but: after having payed the rent, the energy, various insurances, the car, the benzine, the karate school, the music school, the cinema, swimming pool, zoo, toys and god knows what else, can you please explain me where I could find the money to compensate the idiocy of my future ex-wife ?

BTW: can someone answer this, please ?
When we will be in-house separated and I have to give her a fixed amount monthly (I guess I'll have to) but she goes to London and comes back without money (she does it, I know her), what happens ? as said, I don't have money to compensate, so ?

SO, if your concern is how she is spending the money, then YOU pay for the house expenses. YOU buy the food and YOU pay for the kindergarten. Then you know that any money she has for whatever "extracurricular" activities in which she is engaged aren't coming out of those necessary expenses - and the fridge and pantry will be full. You won't need to compensate for those things because you will be the one spending on them.

Before you start in on a rant about how you can be expected to do these additional tasks AND work and do all those other things, STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT. If you get full custody of the children as you are hoping, you'll end up having to do these things ANYWAY. Might as well prepare now so that you understand what you're asking for and how much extra work that's going to take.

Seriously. You sound like your primary concern has nothing to do with the kids, and more about the fact that your wife isn't putting in the effort to take care of the family anymore, and that what she's doing is on your dime.

[trallallero]

Re: Father wants the custody of his kids -- (Germany/ London, UK)

Well, difficult to show it here with words, but my first thought is for the kids future and, as I actually see it, the best now would be full custody for me and she in London, bye bye.

I'd like a normal family with a normal mother that takes care FIRST of the kids and then of her self as I do, not the other way round because "I want to be happy".

When she came back from her country, on November, she started saying I'll go back there with my kids, I'll go without my kids, I'll search a job in London, the kids just have to learn a new language, OK the kids stay here and I come visiting them every week-end, and so on. Can a mental healthy mother of 2 kids even think about leaving her kids ??? And this because I was upset with her due to the fact that she spent all the money we had, her money, my money, our kids money. A little but explanatory detail on how she is: to get more money from me even though she already spent thousands of € in nothing, she called me from her country and let me speak with my daughter that said to me: "daddy, I'm hungry". Can I stay calm after that ?

My concern is "she is doing what she does just because she has to do it not for the love of the kids". So I could make the things easier: I get the custody so she can go away.