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Want Father Out Of Our Life

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  • Want Father Out Of Our Life

    I realize that nothing can happen until we are divorced.

    My daughter is 5 months old, her father and I have been separated for over a year, I didn't know that I was pregnant when I left him. My ex cheats and lies constantly, he has friends who are drug dealers and friends who do drugs, he does not do any drugs. He is on disability, though he has no real disability... He never has money, he is immature and impulsive... He has a new girlfriend, he waited a whole day after I left him to start seeing her, she is now pregnant.

    He has not helped financially, though he thinks buying two cases of formula is helping... I do not want anything from him, I just want him out of our life permanently...

    Is there a way I can ask him to, or force him to, sign over his parental rights?

  • #2
    Re: Want Father Out Of Our Life

    Originally posted by SKillah View Post
    I realize that nothing can happen until we are divorced.

    My daughter is 5 months old, her father and I have been separated for over a year, I didn't know that I was pregnant when I left him. My ex cheats and lies constantly, he has friends who are drug dealers and friends who do drugs, he does not do any drugs. He is on disability, though he has no real disability... He never has money, he is immature and impulsive... He has a new girlfriend, he waited a whole day after I left him to start seeing her, she is now pregnant.

    He has not helped financially, though he thinks buying two cases of formula is helping... I do not want anything from him, I just want him out of our life permanently...

    Is there a way I can ask him to, or force him to, sign over his parental rights?
    You can ask, but a court will be unlikely to allow it unless there is someone else willing and able to step in and take his place as a legal parent to the child.

    I think we can safely assume from your story that the father does not VOLUNTARILY help to support his child, and that the two of you were not married at the time of the child's birth? Legally speaking, unless and until a court says so, he has NO obligation to support that child. In fact, he HAS no child unless you formally establish him as the legal father to this child.

    If you want him to act like a father, there isn't much you can do. However, you can (and for your child's benefit, you SHOULD) file for child support through the courts. The child is entitled to the financial support from both parents.

    At some point in time, when you meet someone who you decide to marry, that person can always petition the court to adopt the child.
    "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
    "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
    "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

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    • #3
      Re: Want Father Out Of Our Life

      I do realize that he doesn't have any legal obligation to financially support the child, even if I tried though, he has no money...

      He is named as the father on her birth certificate.

      I don't have anyone, but I don't need another man, my family has stepped up financially and in every other way.

      I do not want him to step up as a father, I don't want him arround...

      Without having anything in writing, does that also mean that, for the time being, I don't have to grant any of his requests to see her?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Want Father Out Of Our Life

        Originally posted by SKillah View Post
        I do realize that he doesn't have any legal obligation to financially support the child, even if I tried though, he has no money...

        He is named as the father on her birth certificate.

        I don't have anyone, but I don't need another man, my family has stepped up financially and in every other way.

        I do not want him to step up as a father, I don't want him arround...

        Without having anything in writing, does that also mean that, for the time being, I don't have to grant any of his requests to see her?
        Unfortunately for you, this isn't about what YOU want. The child's father has every legal right to see his child, whether or not you like it - and whether or not he is currently paying to support the child.

        Understand that if the father asks to see his child, you have a legal obligation to allow it since you and the father were married. In fact, if you REFUSE to allow the child access to its father, then if the father asks for custody, there is a good chance he will be granted custody - possibly even SOLE custody because of the fact that you refused him access. This is about what is best for the child, not what you feel is best. A child thrives better if they have BOTH parents involved, and the courts recognize that fact. No one says YOU have to be there for the visits, but the child is entitled to have and maintain a relationship with the other parent.

        Life with children means learning how to make sacrifices on behalf of the kids. That often means doing what is best for THEM over and against what your feelings say. You may well have to deal with this man for the next 18 years. I suggest that you learn how to cooperate and co-parent NOW, or you face a long and hard future dealing with anger, resentment, and disappointment later on because you didn't get what you wanted.
        "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
        "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
        "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Want Father Out Of Our Life

          I would prefer to be there when he sees ner, I don't trust him, I don't trust his new girlfriend... He is not mature or responsible enough to care for her in any way shape or form... Even my pediatrician called him immature...

          Is there I can prove that he is not fit as a father and get sole custody? I don't deny him access to her, as long as it fits in our schedule...

          Just double checking, does his mother have any legal rights when it comes to seeing my daughter?

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Want Father Out Of Our Life

            Research everything you can about the parent you claim is unfit. This includes all criminal history, drug use, domestic violence, abuse allegations and participation in unsavory activities. If the parent has previously had an open case with child protective services, this is not public record but if you know this case exists, you may bring it up at the custody hearing. Identify any risk factors in the home of the parent. Request that the parent be evaluated by a psychologist. Drug use may also come up in the interview and you may be able to use this to your benefit. See if the judge will approve a psychological evaluation of the child. If the parent is emotionally abusing the child or purposely delaying development in the case of a baby, this will be evident in the evaluation. Ask your attorney to subpoena the child's medical records if you know there have been previous incidents that may point to abuse. Try to figure out if the parent has the financial means to support the child. If the parent cannot consistently provide adequate support for the child, use this in your claim.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Want Father Out Of Our Life

              Originally posted by SKillah View Post
              I do realize that he doesn't have any legal obligation to financially support the child, even if I tried though, he has no money...

              He is named as the father on her birth certificate.

              I don't have anyone, but I don't need another man, my family has stepped up financially and in every other way.

              I do not want him to step up as a father, I don't want him arround...

              Without having anything in writing, does that also mean that, for the time being, I don't have to grant any of his requests to see her?
              It is unfortunate for the child that you conceived with a man you do not respect, want nothing to do with. Unfortunately for you, the child has a right to know her father and as much as possible be parented by him.

              AND the father has a common law and statutory duty to support his child, disability or not. He has a moral obligation to do so, too. He is not your child's "step father" but her biological father and the fact you do not want him around is not enough justification to deny the child the right to know her parent.

              He may have to file an action in order to establish legally his identity and rights as father. At such time support will be ordered, if only token, and visitation rights to the child. You say you have a divorce pending -- so a parenting plan should be ordered by the court, anyway.

              You say you do not want to ever marry, do not want a man in your life -- apparently intend to raise your child as single parent with the child never having a 2-parent home. In the long run,do you really think that is fair to your child?

              With time let us hope your bitterness towards the father subsides and your perspective changes. But he IS the child's father and you chose him--a choice you have to live with and your child.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Want Father Out Of Our Life

                FIC excellent response. I would have been much more brutally honest.
                Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

                I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

                Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Want Father Out Of Our Life

                  Originally posted by SKillah View Post
                  I do realize that he doesn't have any legal obligation to financially support the child, even if I tried though, he has no money...

                  He is named as the father on her birth certificate.

                  I don't have anyone, but I don't need another man, my family has stepped up financially and in every other way.

                  I do not want him to step up as a father, I don't want him arround...

                  Without having anything in writing, does that also mean that, for the time being, I don't have to grant any of his requests to see her?
                  too bad. you chose him to be your child's father when you laid down and had sex with him its too late to change your mind and decide he isnt good enough to parent the child you both helped create

                  Comment

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