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  • Confused at what is about to happen...

    Hello, I have a 3 year old little girl.. I have raised her alone for all her life, the father has not been involved. He paid child support for 2 years but didn't want to be apart of her life, in January of 2012 he wanted to try to see her, so he came to get her twice and then told me he did not want to see her anymore, and i told him i didn't want child support anymore. We wrote an agreement between eachother that he did not want to be apart of her life ever and that he wouldn't be paying... He recently has been forced by the government to pay child support and now I am afraid he will go for visitation to my daughter in spite of course because he is mad...I am really scared and want to know the likes of him seeing her? She doesn't know who he is and always says she has no daddy. Would the court even give him visitation? Please help me. I have an appointment to serve him with a parenting order but it's not till march. I need some peace of mind, He is a stranger to her.

  • #2
    re: Confused at what is about to happen...

    I wish to inform you that parental rights can only be determined by an order of the court. An agreement between you and the father without approval of the court cannot be enforced. Further, in deciding custody and visitation the court always considers the best interests of the child. Generally, the court wants the child to grow up under the love and care of both the parents. You may file a petition for sole child custody in the family court of your county and inform all the facts to the court about the agreement between you and the father of the child and the fact that the child feels she has no daddy. You may provide evidence from persons that support your viewpoint before the court. The court will consider all the facts and decide the matter.

    AFF

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    • #3
      re: Confused at what is about to happen...

      Originally posted by calgarymom View Post
      Hello, I have a 3 year old little girl.. I have raised her alone for all her life, the father has not been involved. He paid child support for 2 years but didn't want to be apart of her life, in January of 2012 he wanted to try to see her, so he came to get her twice and then told me he did not want to see her anymore, and i told him i didn't want child support anymore. We wrote an agreement between eachother that he did not want to be apart of her life ever and that he wouldn't be paying... He recently has been forced by the government to pay child support and now I am afraid he will go for visitation to my daughter in spite of course because he is mad...I am really scared and want to know the likes of him seeing her? She doesn't know who he is and always says she has no daddy. Would the court even give him visitation? Please help me. I have an appointment to serve him with a parenting order but it's not till march. I need some peace of mind, He is a stranger to her.
      What do you mean, he is being "forced by the government to pay child support"? That's usually indicative of the mother receiving welfare or public assistance payments on behalf of the child, for which the government is entitled to collect payment from the absent parent to recover those costs.

      As for visitation, sure - there is always a possibility that the courts will grant him visitation. If she doesn't know who he is, that's not entirely HIS fault. It's also YOUR fault that you haven't bothered to tell her. If he petitions the court for visitation, he's likely to get something if the judge feels it is in the child's best interest to do so. Whether or not he chooses to exercise that visitation and establish/maintain a relationship with the child is up to him - if the court orders it, you would be mandated to comply or face the consequences for refusing.

      If the court does choose to issue a visitation order with the father, I would suggest that you engage a counselor to assist you and your child through the re-introduction process.
      "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
      "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
      "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

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      • #4
        re: Confused at what is about to happen...

        Craptastic parenting on both of your parts. Your child has a right to be supported by both parents. Your child has a right to both parents. It is a child, not a possession.
        Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

        I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

        Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

        Comment


        • #5
          re: Confused at what is about to happen...

          For 2 years I asked him weekly to see her, I never once denied him access to his daughter. He just didn't want it. And I have told her about her dad and shown her pictures and she tells everyone she has no daddy and asks why other kids have daddys and she doesn't. It's been a constant fight for me to get him to see her. and I gave up asking him. He turned his back on her, so I don't see what right he has to see her?

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          • #6
            re: Confused at what is about to happen...

            And no, the child support is going into my bank account - no taking the money. Family mantience called him and told him he needs to pay and was contacted by a child support worker. I dont want or need it but apparently he has no choice.

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            • #7
              re: Confused at what is about to happen...

              This not about what you want or what he wants. It is about the child you created together and her rights.
              Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

              I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

              Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

              Comment


              • #8
                re: Confused at what is about to happen...

                Originally posted by Disagreeable View Post
                This not about what you want or what he wants. It is about the child you created together and her rights.
                The child we created together, the child he left at just a few weeks old? I just came here for advice on how I can prepare for court if it happens. He is an unfit parent and doesn't care about my daughter and would only take her cause he's pissed off that he's losing money. Like i said, he took her before and hated every second of it and dropped her off and said I don't need this anymore. How can a mother sit there and not be afraid if someone like that gets visitation? Just wanted to know if there was anything I could do, only trying to protect my daughter who I love very much. Bringing him back into her life, then leaving again is not good for her.

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                • #9
                  re: Confused at what is about to happen...

                  ANYWAYS, thanks for the advice guys!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    re: Confused at what is about to happen...

                    Originally posted by calgarymom View Post
                    For 2 years I asked him weekly to see her, I never once denied him access to his daughter. He just didn't want it. And I have told her about her dad and shown her pictures and she tells everyone she has no daddy and asks why other kids have daddys and she doesn't. It's been a constant fight for me to get him to see her. and I gave up asking him. He turned his back on her, so I don't see what right he has to see her?
                    YOU don't get to determine whether or not he has a right to see his child. That is a basic parental right which can be litigated only through the courts. If his parental rights are severed, that would effective take away any right he would have to see the child. As long as those rights are intact, he can petition the court to assert that right - and you have no say in the matter.

                    If he's going to file for visitation rights, let him. Make your arguments to the judge, and the courts will make the determination about whether or not to preserve that right.
                    "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
                    "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
                    "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      re: Confused at what is about to happen...

                      You've said nothing here to indicate he's an unfit parent. If you plan on raising that issue at court be prepared to have proof. Not showing up makes him unwilling, not unfit.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        re: Confused at what is about to happen...

                        Next time I suggest you choose better seed material.
                        Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

                        I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

                        Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

                        Comment

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