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I don't know what to do... Also his family has a lawyer

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  • I don't know what to do... Also his family has a lawyer

    I have 2 questions.

    Brief summary of my situation:
    My sons father and I never married. Our son in 2 1/2 years old. I have a 13 year old daughter from a previous relationship. My sons dad left our home a little over a year ago, voluntarily has paid $500 a month in child support. We have never been to court nor do I want to, however I think I might need to.

    My first question is this, I used to receive state funded childcare. However now I am required to pay half which is $460 a month. I asked my sons dad if he could help pay 1/2, but he refuses. I'm wondering, if we go to court, is daycare counted as a cost to be covered by child support? Or is daycare considered something like medical where both parents pay for 1/2?

    My 2nd question.
    I work 30 hours a week, two 12 hour shifts at a hospital and one 6 hour shift at a restaurant. I am in nursing school 16 hours a week. Every 16 weeks my school schedule changes, therefore my days off change.
    All of my free time goes to my kids, I have no social life, no dating etc. Just kids, work, school, study. I graduate December of this year and will finally have a normal, peaceful schedule for my kids.
    My sons dad is constantly giving me grief about the schedule changing. He is always trying to get me to "give" my son to him so he can stop paying child support and move into a bigger place. I know kids need structure and its a bit hectic right now but I don't get to choose my school schedule, it's assigned to me. He wants to keep the schedule the same no matter what. If I do that, that would mean he would have my son on my days off. His work schedule does not change, it is consistently the same. He works 7 days a week and gets my son for about 3 hours for 3 nights a week. And now he has enrolled in school full time and doesn't get out of school until 630pm. My sons bedtime is 730pm. I've asked him on many occasions to get him every other weekend in addition to the time he already has him, however he won't because he works. After work on the weekends, he has been seen on many occasions out in town drinking with friends.

    My question is, will having to change the schedule every 16 weeks hurt me as far as going to court? I don't want to go to court if the court will rule in favor of keeping the schedule the same no matter what, that would mean I could go weeks without my son seeing me or his sister for more than a few hours a day. That's not fair to him or me. I'm trying to work out days that are fair to my son. Meaning he gets as much time possible with both of us however his dad will not work with me at all. It seems as though he only is thinking of himself and his money. Or maybe I am being biased because I am his mother. I just want honest advice.

    Also his family has a lawyer, I don't think he practices in family law but I'm not sure if that matters or not. I do not and cannot afford one. Should I just let it go and cough up the childcare myself every month? I don't want to lose my son.

    Thank you

  • #2
    Re: I don't know what to do... Also his family has a lawyer

    I wish to inform you that if you and the father of your son cannot agree on a parenting schedule and child support, you may file a petition in the court. You may inform your complete situation to the court about your work schedule and school schedule. The court always considers the best interests of the child. The court generally wants the child to grow up under the love and care of both the parents. The court will also consider the financial position of both the parents. After considering all the facts the court will pass an order on the child support and parenting schedule. You may seek guidance from Legal Aid and also study the guide for pro se (self represented) litigants.

    AFF

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I don't know what to do... Also his family has a lawyer

      It is great that you are both attempting to better yourselves. I commend you both 100%. It appears part of your daycare expense is related to your school. You can apportion that amount off the top. Dad should not be requested or required to pay for time you are in school. Second, why is your daughter not baby sitting her brother part of this time? At her age, it is generally a given an older sibling will be taught responsibility by taking the Red Cross babysitting course and paid as part of their allowance to learn responsibility. After those periods are subtracted, how much is left?

      At 2 1/2, bed time is nothing to a toddler. Consistency is more important. Bedtime can be midnight as long as the child gets a consistent schedule. It appears going to court can open up Pandoras Box. I await your responses along with any additional info you care to share. Venting is acceptable also.
      Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

      I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

      Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I don't know what to do... Also his family has a lawyer

        Originally posted by ncph View Post
        I have 2 questions.

        Brief summary of my situation:
        My sons father and I never married. Our son in 2 1/2 years old. I have a 13 year old daughter from a previous relationship. My sons dad left our home a little over a year ago, voluntarily has paid $500 a month in child support. We have never been to court nor do I want to, however I think I might need to.

        My first question is this, I used to receive state funded childcare. However now I am required to pay half which is $460 a month. I asked my sons dad if he could help pay 1/2, but he refuses. I'm wondering, if we go to court, is daycare counted as a cost to be covered by child support? Or is daycare considered something like medical where both parents pay for 1/2?

        My 2nd question.
        I work 30 hours a week, two 12 hour shifts at a hospital and one 6 hour shift at a restaurant. I am in nursing school 16 hours a week. Every 16 weeks my school schedule changes, therefore my days off change.
        All of my free time goes to my kids, I have no social life, no dating etc. Just kids, work, school, study. I graduate December of this year and will finally have a normal, peaceful schedule for my kids.
        My sons dad is constantly giving me grief about the schedule changing. He is always trying to get me to "give" my son to him so he can stop paying child support and move into a bigger place. I know kids need structure and its a bit hectic right now but I don't get to choose my school schedule, it's assigned to me. He wants to keep the schedule the same no matter what. If I do that, that would mean he would have my son on my days off. His work schedule does not change, it is consistently the same. He works 7 days a week and gets my son for about 3 hours for 3 nights a week. And now he has enrolled in school full time and doesn't get out of school until 630pm. My sons bedtime is 730pm. I've asked him on many occasions to get him every other weekend in addition to the time he already has him, however he won't because he works. After work on the weekends, he has been seen on many occasions out in town drinking with friends.

        My question is, will having to change the schedule every 16 weeks hurt me as far as going to court? I don't want to go to court if the court will rule in favor of keeping the schedule the same no matter what, that would mean I could go weeks without my son seeing me or his sister for more than a few hours a day. That's not fair to him or me. I'm trying to work out days that are fair to my son. Meaning he gets as much time possible with both of us however his dad will not work with me at all. It seems as though he only is thinking of himself and his money. Or maybe I am being biased because I am his mother. I just want honest advice.

        Also his family has a lawyer, I don't think he practices in family law but I'm not sure if that matters or not. I do not and cannot afford one. Should I just let it go and cough up the childcare myself every month? I don't want to lose my son.

        Thank you
        First, your son is a pre schooler so his schedule can be adjusted as long as you make adequate arrangements for him and he is doing well -- is not in need of a therapist at this point in time. It does not matter to him what days you have off -- just that he has his mommy's time. Further, he is a toddler and the law favors his mother parenting him at this stage of his life. AND he has bonds with his sister, so breaking up the family to suit father's needs to avoid support is not in the child's best interests. AND he would be in day care most of the father's work week, too.

        It's obvious the father's motives are financial. Daycare is a cost that is considered when setting support schedules. Support is set based upon the parents' income and/or earning ability. You know what his income is and what yours is. Eventually, when you finish school, your income will increase, hopefully and the support schedules may be adjusted at that time, too.

        Do what you can to obtain legal representation, be it from Legal Aid which takes cases such as yours or apply to your state's Bar Association for many maintain pro bono panels of experienced attorneys who donate their time to represent people who otherwise would not obtain counsel. When one party has an attorney, it behooves the other to have legal representation, too.

        The law often changes monthly in the various areas of law, so if his lawyer is a general civil practitioner that is in your favor should you obtain a family law attorney.

        Line up whatever evidence you have of how well your son is being taken care of, the support including affidavits of those who have seen you with your child, know how well he is cared for and you should be fine in court.

        Comment

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