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  • Pregnant and unsure what to do... Please help.

    Hi, I am 6 months pregnant trying to plan everything for my child. The father has not come to see me through my pregnancy. All though, he is all of the sudden trying to demand he is on the birth certificate and sweet talk me so I don't file for child support.. but he makes no effort for me or the child. He will not be in the delivery room..maybe not even the hospital. If he is not on the Birth Certificate does he still have to pay child support? I know he'd have to get a paternity test to get custody. But what happens if I file for custody while he is not on the birth certificate? And he also threatens me saying he is going to fine for custody and that he will automatically get 50/50 custody.. what are the chances of him getting 50/50..especially at infancy? He also tried to convince me not to do child support due to once I get my nursing job I will have to pay him because I will be making me. I'm sick of being manipulated and need to get my own REAL advice. I'm not saying I'm trying to get FULL custody because I can hope he will change and be there for my baby..but I've seen zero effort and want to make sure I do what I need incase he does not change. Please just nice friendly advice This is my first child and I'm very stressed with his underlying threats. Thank you.

  • #2
    re: Pregnant and unsure what to do... Please help.

    Originally posted by HSL1990 View Post
    Hi, I am 6 months pregnant trying to plan everything for my child. The father has not come to see me through my pregnancy. All though, he is all of the sudden trying to demand he is on the birth certificate and sweet talk me so I don't file for child support.. but he makes no effort for me or the child. He will not be in the delivery room..maybe not even the hospital. If he is not on the Birth Certificate does he still have to pay child support? I know he'd have to get a paternity test to get custody. But what happens if I file for custody while he is not on the birth certificate? And he also threatens me saying he is going to fine for custody and that he will automatically get 50/50 custody.. what are the chances of him getting 50/50..especially at infancy? He also tried to convince me not to do child support due to once I get my nursing job I will have to pay him because I will be making me. I'm sick of being manipulated and need to get my own REAL advice. I'm not saying I'm trying to get FULL custody because I can hope he will change and be there for my baby..but I've seen zero effort and want to make sure I do what I need incase he does not change. Please just nice friendly advice This is my first child and I'm very stressed with his underlying threats. Thank you.
    If you are a single, unmarried mother of the child, you will automatically have SOLE physical and legal custody of the child unless and until the father establishes paternity AND asserts his rights to custody and/or visitation. He won't be required to pay child support unless you get a court order forcing him to do so, which would require that he either sign an Affidavit of Paternity at the hospital, or have the court perform DNA testing to prove paternity.

    If he decides he wants to go for custody, let him. You can file for a child support order at the same time. It's POSSIBLE for him to get shared custody, as long as the court decides it's in the child's best interest to do so; however, courts do favor primary PHYSICAL custody going to the mother during the child's tender years (until approx age 7) unless they feel that the mother is unfit for some reason.
    "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
    "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
    "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

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    • #3
      re: Pregnant and unsure what to do... Please help.

      Now is the time when you decide what kind of mother you want to be. You should file for paternity, residential parent, custody, with reasonable overnight visitation and child support. Why should you expect him to pony up money in advance of being proved the father? If I went with that plan, I would have supported more than one woman who claimed I was daddy, when I was not, due to my potential. Have an insurance plan in place for the birth. When figuring a visitation plan, make it long term variable. Cover the "tender years", school years and relocation visitation expenses being paid by the parent who moves more than 30 or so miles away. You can attempt to be a good co-parent or establish that the war is on. It is your choice and your child will pay the price whichever way you go.
      Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

      I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

      Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

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      • #4
        re: Pregnant and unsure what to do... Please help.

        Thank you SandyClaus!

        And Disagreeable.. I fully understand where you are coming from and I agree. There is so many decisions I have to make its just all getting too overwhelming(especially pregnant haha) It would be different if he made an effort to be present during pregnancy..but he does not. Therefore I feel he should have to prove he even wants to be a part of this childs life..like i said..i'd hope he would change and grow up.But I will not be that girl to baby a grown man..I can't make him want to be around. That's why I'm confused regarding the whole birth certificate thing, If i should tell him to go sign it after I leave the hospital.

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        • #5
          re: Pregnant and unsure what to do... Please help.

          You should offer. You should go to court for the other things regardless. Your child deserves to be supported by both parents. You can Google for visitation schedules examples, to find a comprehensive one. If you cover the bases I mentioned, you should be in good shape and only need to return to court, if dad files for something.
          Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

          I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

          Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

          Comment


          • #6
            re: Pregnant and unsure what to do... Please help.

            Alright thank you very much! Do you think getting a lawyer is necessary?

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            • #7
              re: Pregnant and unsure what to do... Please help.

              A lawyer is a good idea, to file the paperwork, however, you should have the visitation and shared parenting agreement ready, before you have the lawyer file, so it can be included. Don't rely on the lawyer for that.
              Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

              I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

              Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

              Comment


              • #8
                re: Pregnant and unsure what to do... Please help.

                Originally posted by HSL1990 View Post
                Hi, I am 6 months pregnant trying to plan everything for my child. The father has not come to see me through my pregnancy. All though, he is all of the sudden trying to demand he is on the birth certificate and sweet talk me so I don't file for child support.. but he makes no effort for me or the child. He will not be in the delivery room..maybe not even the hospital. If he is not on the Birth Certificate does he still have to pay child support? I know he'd have to get a paternity test to get custody. But what happens if I file for custody while he is not on the birth certificate? And he also threatens me saying he is going to fine for custody and that he will automatically get 50/50 custody.. what are the chances of him getting 50/50..especially at infancy? He also tried to convince me not to do child support due to once I get my nursing job I will have to pay him because I will be making me. I'm sick of being manipulated and need to get my own REAL advice. I'm not saying I'm trying to get FULL custody because I can hope he will change and be there for my baby..but I've seen zero effort and want to make sure I do what I need incase he does not change. Please just nice friendly advice This is my first child and I'm very stressed with his underlying threats. Thank you.
                First of all, both parents are obligated by law to support their children. It is the child's right, so stand firm, mom. Support will be ordered, based upon the parties' earnings or earning ability and the child's needs and expenses.

                As to custody, you will have custody by default of the child and the law favors mothers during the "tender years" since they have the qualities the child needs most. Only in cases where the mother is proved to be unfit, e.g. a major drug or alcohol problem, for example is custody given to another. To just hand an infant over to the father is extraordinary. He will have a very hard time nursing the child and then tending it 24/7. He's going to be a stay at home dad to a newborn? You know him. What do you think the chances are of that? It is obvious that his motives are purely financial the way he is threatening you, so keep that in mind and you will be able to withstand his manipulation.

                The father to be is acting like a slippery, total sleaze. If you have to use any state services, e.g. medical or support for the child, don't worry about the father paying support for the state will seek him out and make him pony up.

                DNA testing will be ordered as part of a paternity action, and then support, custody and visitation will be ordered. He is scared, obviously, that part of his income will go bye bye to the child. Too bad. But he may change once he sees his features in the newborn, pride of authorship may just kick in. By virtue of being pregnant, you are bonding with the new life in your womb. Fathers sometimes do when the reality of the new born child is part of him. Bide your time, take care of yourself and address the issue of dad manning up once the child is born.

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