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single mother and father rights in california

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  • #31
    re: single mother and father rights in california

    OK, if he can explain to a court that he only granted temporary custody in order to get the child out of foster care, they may disregard that.
    Plus, the fact that he had to release temporary custody seems to demonstrate that he was presumed to have custody in the first place, which is a good thing.
    Regardless, he needs to get his butt down to Florida to be with his daughter right away. I mean, take the rest of the week off from work and start driving.
    His daughter is going through a traumatic time right now, and frankly any court is going to wonder why the grandmother showed up to be with her, and her father didn't.

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    • #32
      Issues with ex's girlfriend and my child

      My childs father is with a woman who was extremely suspicious of our ability to co parent our child after we separated. After realizing that there was no dirt to dig up in reference to our current relationship, she managed to figure out a way to cause confusion between us so that we no longer communicate. My relationship with him ended in the early to mid 90s due to him conceiving a another child (with a friend of mine). It took a while, but we managed to remain civil and become maintain a friendship for the sake of our child. Once I was aware of his relationship with her (10 yrs ago), I made the effort to become acquainted with her being that she was going to be a part of my childs life. She was a bit taken by this because I assume she was expecting drama. I had no interest at ass in continuing a relationship with me ex so it was never an issue for me. She would call me and question me about our past and possible future together, being that we have a child as she stated. I always told her that if she had issues in her relationship with my childs father that she needed to address that with him, and that it was not my business or my place to discuss him with her. After several attempts, she realized that I was not going to break. Thats when it all began. I guess the fact that we (my ex and I) were so comfortable with one another and it was in her presence, she couldn't determine whether or not it was genuine or if we were smiling in her face and involved behind her back. So she began to use this child that was conceived during our relationship to stir up bad blood between us. She succeeded and continued to make this an issue by questioning me, my child, the other child and the childs mother about the past without his knowledge. Once she got all of her 'facts', she went to work. Once my ex and I began to argue about the situation, she then stepped in and said that since we cant seem to get along she would be the one to communicate with the both of us...acting as a middle man...because there was no reason for us to communicate any further. When my daughter would visit them, she would tell me she wasnt there when I would call for her or she would remain on the phone so she could monitor our conversations. She also told my daughter to lie to me in order to stay out of trouble when it came to what goes on in her household. If and when my daughter left a message for her dad, his girlfriend would call back to inquire about what she wanted. When I requested that she stay out of our roles as parents, she then began to call my daughters friends and leave messages for her to call her. She would send her messages on her web page. She insists that she has helped raised my daughter and spent money on her so she has a right to be in her life even though I have no right to communicate with my childs father for any reason. This woman has no children and I believe has developed some type of obsession with my child in order to prove to her father that she can be a good parent ( in place of my role). After my daughter requested that she not show up at her graduation, she came anyway and initiated a verbal confrontation because once again she walked in between the middle of me congratulating my daughter and attempted to take over the conversation. I was very upset and she began to tell me how she has been there for my daughter. A friend of mine was attempting to take a picture of my daughter with her father at the graduation and his girlfriend kept insisting that she be in the picture. She threw her hands up at me signaling that she wanted to fight while I was carrying my 2 month old. At this point, I filed for a restraining order on my daughters behalf so that my daughter could have a descent visit with her dad without his overbearing girlfriend taking over. She obviously wears the pants in their relationship so he would never tell her that on his own. When we got to court, her response to the judge was that I was a jealous ex who was unhappy about their relationship/engagement and that was the entire reason for me filing the restraining order. To get her out of the way so that I could spend time with my ex without her being around. She said that I forced my daughter to write her letter, that she wrote it under pressure. And to top it off, my ex was at court with his girlfriend as her witness. So he basically didnt believe anything his daughter told him about the things his girlfriend does. Which is taunt her in ways that she would never do in front of him. She said my daughter only comes over when she wants something or for the holidays which is totally false; She stayed home with me for months because I was experiencing an extremely difficult pregnancy. She throws in her face that her dads other children have been there but she guesses my daughter doesnt care about them anymore being that she has a brother on the way. She questions my daughter about what her dad does when she is not around. She makes statements to my daughter about how she thinks women around them want him. She forces herself on my daughter and when my daughter complains, I talk to her father about it. Who them talks to his girlfriend and my daughter becomes a liar who is being brainwashed by me to dislike his girlfriend. I never had a problem with her at all. I was happy that he found someone to share his life with. Otherwise, I would never have allowed her to be a part of my daughter life. My issue is that she really over steps her boundaries and because my ex wont tell her, I did and it became an issue. I havent spoken to my ex in a couple of years and his relationship with my daughter is strained. Every time they get on good terms, he starts yelling at her about not wanting to deal with his girlfriend and says she is disrespecting him by not wanting to deal with her. He always make his girlfriend the focal point of their relationship instead of trying to be a father to her. She doesnt do this with any of his other children, just my daughter. I am trying to understand if this is directly related to how she feels about me and if she is trying to use my child to fuel her issues? Is she really obsessed with my daughter because she does not and can not have any children of her own? Or is she just a jealous individual? Either way, how do I convince the courts that I am NOT the jealous ex that she is describing me as..this is a very serious issue as far as im concerned. It is typical for the court to see a jealous ex case so they really are not hearing me. What should I do at this point?

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      • #33
        re: single mother and father rights in california

        That was really hard to read. Try using paragraph breaks.

        I read the beginning and end. You said graduation...how old is your child?

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        • #34
          re: single mother and father rights in california

          you do got a problem the old ex animosity game is being played.Do we have lawyers involved.Trutfully your daughter already knows what your exes girlfriend is doing.Sounds like the old titer toter game.From reading on these forums happens alot. Any way Your ex knows what he is doing also.Dont think he dont.If she could have a baby she would.With the intention of stealing all the attention. Stay focused on only the childs best intrest.And your relationship with her.Have you ever tried to play a board game by yourself its boaring.It will get old to the poor little thing.It gets pleasure out of making you misserable. Carry on win that war!

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          • #35
            re: single mother and father rights in california

            Hi. I am 20 years old and a college student in California, but I am a state resident of NY. I am 3 months pregnant and the father of the baby flipped out when i told him and refuses to have anything to do with me. He has hit me while pregnant but I did not file a complaint with the police. But he also threatens that he will take the baby when the baby is born because I have "ruined his life" I want to move to Germany with my father either now or when the baby is born but I am not sure if I am allowed to or if the baby's father can stop me. I really need advice. Thanks

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            • #36
              re: single mother and father rights in california

              I would recommend moving before the baby is born. You may freely move at this time. If you decide to stay in the states, don't file for child support. That's the quickest way to end up in child custody court with a man like that.

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              • #37
                re: single mother and father rights in california

                If he has hit you while you're pregnant, that is a good indication of his moral character. Stay as far away from him as possible.

                Move to Germany if you want to. He cannot stop you. Since he has not been proven to be the father and wants nothing to do with either you or the unborn child, it has not been established who is the father and you can move anywhere you want to.

                If he were to try to file for custody of the child, he'd need a court to grant him a paternity test. This is unlikely to happen since you are not going to put his name on the birth certificate and he won't be present to sign an AOP. And since he won't be involved in the pregnancy or the birth of the baby, he'd be hard pressed to prove to the judge he is, indeed, the father.

                To answer your question in a nutshell: no, he cannot stop you from moving to Germany. Move now, before the baby is born. Don't remain in the company of this loser. He will only escalate his violence towards you.

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                • #38
                  re: single mother and father rights in california

                  Hello,

                  I am a newly single mother as of 2 weeks ago. My college ex and I were together a tumultuous 3 years when we discovered we were pregnant this past January. My ex had been emotionally and verbally abusive here and there throughout the relationship, but after we found out we were pregnant he became worse. One month later, he broke up with me and walked out after an argument about his pending responsibilities. The next day he broke into my apartment and called my phone over 150 times, despite the fact that he swore he wanted nothing to do with either me or the baby the night before.

                  After filing a police report, I packed up my things and drove across the country to return to my home state of California. I was about 10wks pregnant when I left Ohio, and had only lived there during college for 2 1/2 years.

                  Despite my continued efforts after leaving to 'patch' things up so that he could be an involved father of my child, my ex became increasingly aggressive over the next 8 mo. He threatened my parents, sent harassing emails, and declared he was going to sue me for pressing charges against him and leaving the state with his unborn child. I stopped all contact with him months ago, but he continues to call my parents home and threaten legal action.

                  He is now calling my father's employer (the Police department) demanding to know his home address, saying he is hiding his son from him, even though my parents have nothing to do with this.

                  I did not want to file for child support originally, but now I see no alternatives to getting legal representation. Does he have any claim? I am afraid that he may very well try to hurt either me or my son.

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                  • #39
                    re: single mother and father rights in california

                    As a police officer, I'm surprised your father is putting up with this.

                    The man is obviously disturbed and obsessed. Get a Protection From Abuse AND a Protection From Harassment order slapped on this guy immediately. You can fill out the forms yourself and do not need an attorney.

                    If you file for child support, the issue of paternity will come up and he will then have rights. Don't file for child support.

                    Change your phone number, keep a record of all the harassment (i.e. save the threatening phone calls, etc) so when the time comes you'll have proof as to his instability.

                    He WILL have a claim if you seek child support from him. Normally, I don't recommend keeping a parent from a child but this person is not emotionally stable and your child and you need protection from him. He will hurt you if he gets the chance. Keep him away from you taking all legal measures possible. Don't let him near your child. The child will be used against you and he may even hurt her/him.

                    Good luck to you.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      re: single mother and father rights in california

                      Okay this may sound sooo confusing yet obvious in some ways....See my baby's father and I have been dating for 3+yrs and have a wonderful 3 yr old boy. It may sound like a happy family but the thing is since we got together and since the term of my pregnancy he spends almost all his time and money on fixing and buying rusted no interior whatsoever cars. I understand hobby is a hobby especially for boys but I noticed during my pregnancy we spent so much buying things for him hitting my 6th month we had absolutely nothing for my unborn baby! Trust me we didnt even have at least one t shirt. The answer to how we got the proper things was my parents they didnt have much but sure strived to buy everything my baby needed before he came out to the world. Anyways back to my problem through out the years we still spent on cars and yes he manages to buy some things for our son but soon after he demands we focus back on him and give he credit for buying diapers last friday! I explained to him over and over I dont mind him having a hobby but please never make it a first priority in your life. He feels I want him to stop so we always argue over the same thing. And another thing is if I needed something even if its under 20 dollars he would have a fit about why I needed it or its too expensive (comparing to his 1000-4000 spent in one day) I noticed I have been helping him alot and spending almost my whole entire pay check for him but when I needed him the most whether its for money or just to be there for me, he instantly bail and leaving me to fend for myself...saying he doesnt care or I dont need it. Hence I havent bought new clothes since I had my child. What should I do? I dont want to break my family apart but I already feel it is... HELP

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                      • #41
                        re: single mother and father rights in california

                        Good Morning,
                        My daughter is unwed mother of a 2 year old boy.She has been with the father for 3 years until yesterday when he moved out with the new "friend". He attempted to take the baby from my home with his belongings. The officer stated I had no legal reason to allow him into my home so therefore he could not take the baby. The was the officer stated the answer it seemed as if he could have taken him if I would have allowed him in. Question is do we need to file some custody or seperation papers? We have no issue with visitation just he is threatening he will "get him" and never bring him back and so forth so I am hesitant to allow him to take him for fear he is not going to return him after the "visitation". The father did sign the birth certificate but they have never been to court or child support office to establish paternity.
                        Oh sorry we live in Riverside County Ca

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                        • #42
                          re: single mother and father rights in california

                          As the grandparent, you have no legal authority to disallow him to take his child. You don't, however, have to allow him into your home. If he is being a nuisance, you call the police and have him charged with trespassing.

                          As an unwed mother, your daughter has sole legal custody, and as such, the father has no legal rights as things stand right now. He would have to go to court and establish legal paternity, via a paternity test, or by signing an Acknowledgement of Paternity. Your daughter is under no legal obligation to allow the child to go anywhere with him until the father establishes legal parental rights.

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                          • #43
                            re: single mother and father rights in california

                            Okay, so my daughter is 9 nearly 10, and about 4 years ago her father picked up and left for Utah. Left us behind on the rent, and in debt with bills. He and I never married, but his name is on her birth certificate, and he was present at the birth. I did need state aid, and they went after him for child support which they ended up garnishing his wadges. He then moved to Texas, they garnished him there as well. About a year ago he moved back here to California with his dad, and refuses to get a job so he doesn't have to pay child support. Now I have had some opportunities come up to move out of state and take a job that will provide better for my daughter, my question is can I take her out without his permission? If not what do I need to do, to do so?

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                            • #44
                              Re: single mother and father rights in california

                              I am the father of a seven year old daughter. Her mother and I split up just over two years ago after a failed attempt to relocate to another part of the state. We both love our daughter very much and have sacrificed a lot to do what is best for the child first, even going as far as sharing a place as room mates, and room mates only... Which had been working fine up until recently... for about a month now she has started "disappearing" at random times and after work. During these times she fails to respond to phone calls or emails. I'm not stupid or slow... I know she's probably seein someone, and don't care. What is concerning is that after repeated conversations with her about communication and it's importance if we are to raise this child together, she continues to "disappear". Without response via phone call, text, smoke signal or otherwise, I'm relegated to telling our child that I don't know where her mother is... I feel that i may need to protect my childs' well being and my sanity by filing for sole custody, or at least look into it. I live in California which seems to be a very pro-mother-custody state. How difficult is it to prove her apparent disinterest in continuing to raise our child? Do I have any chance of gaining sole custody?

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                              • #45
                                Re: single mother and father rights in california

                                OK so here's my story:

                                About 4 years ago I got pregnant and my boyfriend at the time told me to get rid of it. I told him that I was going to go home and raise this child. He changed his mind and we have been together ever since. He owned a production company and I have been the primary care-giver in our son's world.

                                Long story short recently we broke up, however we still live in the same apartment. He had me served the day BEFORE I was to leave for my grandmother's funeral in GA with a restraining order. I had to hire a lawyer to get around that.

                                He is suing for joint custody but has made our home a spot of contention and unrest, for me at least. Our son, 3, somehow has remained unaffected, according to his teachers at school.

                                I guess my question(s) is/are this:
                                - since we are unmarried wouldn't sole custody revert to me?
                                - shouldn't a retainer cover any initial filing fees from an attorney?
                                - I've been documenting EVERY "conversation" that my ex & I have, but since I've have been a stay-at-home mom who has run a business (that recently closed) from home, can he use that against me? I've been raising our son!

                                I'm BEYOND stressed and freaked out. My family lives in NJ and I want to move back there with our son. How can I accomplish this?

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