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Abusive Father who threatens son & Family wants visitation

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  • Abusive Father who threatens son & Family wants visitation

    I have a 14 year old son from a previous relationship back in college. He has been paying child support since 2003.
    In 2007 he sent me a letter stating that if I did not allow him to terminate his rights so he wouldn't have to pay support that he would "come after" my son for visitation.
    I received many letters like that following.
    In 2008 he was granted a very gradual visitation schedule with a Child Therapist advising every step of the way. We both agreed to the terms.
    After 3 months my ex began to harass me and my family and colleagues. Emailing them and stating I was a prostitute, drug user and made various racist statements about me. He also began forwarding my son emails in which he earlier sent me emails calling me "*****" "*****" "****".
    The Child Therapist immediately advised me that it would be dangerous to continue to pursue a re-unification until my ex underwent counseling and a mental evaluation.
    My ex instead tried to have the therapists license revoked.
    Since then he has continued his harassment and threats that if I didn't allow him to terminate he would continue to "come after" my son.
    He recently filed for a visitation modification in which he states that he followed all of the therapists advisement and is requesting that the therapists advisement be ignored and he be granted visitation immediately.
    I had an attorney lined up, but had to save the money for the retainer. I went to pay her on Friday and was told that she decided she couldn't take the case but if I cared for my son I should just get another job to make up for the child support and insurance and let my ex terminate his rights.

    I'm left without an attorney and staring at a pre-trial conference on the 18th. My son is scared to death after having received emails and text messages of threats and horrible profanity and statements that my ex- states he would have paid for my son to be aborted.

    Im going to try to get an attorney soon and am filing numerous counts of contempt against my ex- for violating the child custody order tomorrow.

    If worse comes to worse... will my son be forced to go out of state for visitation with this deplorable man?

    Any help is appreciated. I'm desparate. I've gone to our court assistance office who advises to get an attorney or go to legal aid. Legal aid tells me that unless my ex is beating me or my son there is nothing they can do. It took me forever to save $1500 for the attorney. My ex- has taken me to court 4 times in the past 5 years and my savings is gone.

    Anyone, please help. I feel so alone.. and so scared.

    - Sara in Idaho

  • #2
    Re: Abusive Father who threatens son & Family wants visitation

    I wish to inform you that the court looks at the best interest of the child. Generally, the court prefers that child should grow in contact with both the parents. In your case you can show that it is not in the best interest of child to meet his father. Further, as the father is threatening and abusive therefore you can request court that it is in the best interest of child that he should not meet with his father. Here the acts of the father of saying wrong about the mother of the child, his emails to the child and child therapist, etc. are such which can have wrong impact on the mind of the child. Therefore, it is in the best interest of child that father should not meet the child. The court will decide by keeping all factors before it and the best interest of child as main consideration.



    • #3
      Re: Abusive Father who threatens son & Family wants visitation

      I just wanted to ask one question - if this man wants to terminate his rights and is acting the way that he does, why don't you let him terminate his rights and then you and your son don't have to deal with this anymore? I understand that he pays you Child Support but I don't receive Child Support (my ex-husband has a hard time keeping a job and he loves to hold things over people's heads...especially when it comes to money - he is also a very controlling person) but I've been fine for the past four years on my own. Yes, I believe children should grow up being involved with both parents but when one parent is obviously causing more harm than good and has wanted several times to terminate his rights, I'd say he really isn't interested in being a good parent. What I also don't understand is why he goes from one extreme of wanting to terminate his rights to wanting visitation...

      Just wondering.


      • #4
        Re: Abusive Father who threatens son & Family wants visitation

        It sounds like you are dealing with a High Conflict Personality. (Google that and read up on it. You will probably agree that he is suffering a disordered mind). That is also the answer for the last poster who is wondering why the man keeps vacillating back and forth and being litigious, and harassing. He wants attention, and if she gives it, it will only keep escalating. She should ignore MOST of his blathering.

        [b]Your ex has the same mistaken delusion that a lot of unwilling fathers have. They believe if their parental rights are terminated that their obligation to financially support their child(ren) will also cease. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even if a judge were to terminate his parental rights (this is highly unlikely), he would still be on the hook for child support, as this child is entitled to be supported by both parents and not just one.

        It's highly unlikely this man will be successful in having the therapist's license revoked. It's also highly unlikely he will convince a judge of anything either. It will be evident, once the court finds out that he attempted to have the therapist's license revoked, just how unstable he is. Keep record of EVERYTHING. Don't respond to his emails. But DO keep a file of them, print them off and take them to the court hearing with you. The fact that he's cc'ing his son on these emails tells the story of his advancement in therapy. Remember that every voice mail, every email, is an opportunity to use against him in a court of law. Let him keep rambling but DO NOT respond to any of it. Ignore it, even if anything he says compels you to defend yourself. Because those disordered minds are not interested in your side of the story, or logic, of an defense. They are interested ONLY in the attention you are giving. You could write back blah blah blah (literally) and they will respond with another spewing diatribe. Its the attention and the fight they want. Nothing else matters.

        Remember to keep record of EVERYTHING he says, writes. You won't need an attorney with that kind of ammunition. Let him hang himself with his own rope.

        He will continue to pay child support or he will risk losing everything. There really is no way around it.


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