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What do you think should happen?

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  • What do you think should happen?

    My ex and I broke up January 2008. I took my son with me and we moved in with a friend of mine who eventually turned into a boyfriend. We have now been together for 2 years and will be getting married this month.

    My son lived with us for the majority of the time. I quit my job after a while, to stay home with my son. But I planned on getting a better full time job after I found a decent babysitter and got a better running vehicle.

    My ex got my son on Sept 19 2009 and kept him from me for 6 weeks. He was supposed to return him home the next day. He would not let me have him. He then told me that I would not be getting him back. I was served with papers. I had no job and I could not afford an attorney.

    When the court date came around, I was scared, I missed my son and I did not know what I needed to do to get him back. I asked the Judge if I could please have more time to find an attorney. He agreed to give me more time. He then asked that we come up with some arrangement so that I would get to see my son.

    My ex, his attorney and myself went into another room. She pulled out papers for temporary custody. I told her that I would not sign anything without an attorney. She rolled her eyes. "You have to if you want to see your son or would you rather me go and tell the judge that you are not cooperating and see what he has to say about that?" So, out of fear and a little stupidity, I signed the papers.

    MY ex has had him for 4 months. I get him every other weekend. I have a FT job now, a car and my own place to live. He lives with his mother, has no job, no vehicle of his own and smokes marijuana. (I doubt he is smoking now because he knows that the court will do a drug test.) But he will start smoking again once this is all over.

    The final hearing is coming up. I want to turn all of this around. I want custody of my child. I am working on finding an attorney that I can afford. I don't want to choose any attorney so it is taking me a while to find one that I can afford, that will get the job done. Anyway, I am trying to be completely honest with myself. I made a mistake by signing that paper. Should I punished for it? What do I have to do to turn this all around, prove that my ex smokes weed and get my son back?

    Is there a waiting period for drug tests that will give me temp order while he is investigated? It's all about who gets temp order because temp order most always turns into permanent in Texas.

    Thanks for anyone who takes the time to read all of this.

  • #2
    Re: What do you think should happen?

    Go to court and tell Judge how those papers were signed. He might be very interested in this


    • #3
      Re: What do you think should happen?

      Thanks. I just hope that he will believe me. It's pretty much my word against theirs. For all he knows, I could be making that up. I just wish that there were some sort of way to prove it. I was hoping that perhaps they video taped the conversation while we were in that room. I seriously doubt they were taping anything or she wouldn't have said that.

      Did she break the law in any way by convincing me that signing those papers was my only option?


      • #4
        Re: What do you think should happen?

        Your chances for getting custody by accusing the father of smoking pot is slim to none. Accept what's done.

        A judge will not be "interested" in how or why the papers you foolishly signed were signed. Judges are well aware that attorneys are pit bulls and will say anything in order to intimidate the other side so they can win their case. Good luck getting in front of a judge to even hear that little story.

        You have absolutely no proof whatsoever of what this man is or is not doing, so going around making false accusations is only going to dig you deeper into the hole you got yourself into.

        Why not simply file for a change in custody? Don't focus on why the child should not be with his/her father. Make a solid case for why the child should live with you.

        Don't count on a change at this point, as you need to think of the child's sense of security and stability, and what's best for that child, and put those needs first.


        • #5
          Re: What do you think should happen?

          Just a suggestion...not all lawyers cost money. I am positive there are non profit organizations out there that provide attorney's for low income people.

          These types of lawyers are trying to get their foot in the door, so I'm sure they would work hard for you.

          Check your local government website.
          Also check out PPL. Pre Paid Lawyer. Great service, I use them myself.

          hope that helps..


          • #6
            Re: What do you think should happen?

            No, the attorney didn't break any laws. She used intimidation tactics, as is typical of attorneys, to get win her case. The onus is on your for being so intimidated by her that you signed them.


            • #7
              Re: What do you think should happen?

              Wait a minute. I wasn't intimidated by HER, I was intimidated by the law. She made it seem like if I didn't sign those papers, there would be consequences. This is legal? I didn't go to law school. This isn't my fault. And why shouldn't I tell the judge about him smoking weed? I don't understand the law. Everyone is telling me something different. I just don't get it. So, I just go in there and say "I'm a good mother." and hope to god he figures out my ex is not fit?

              I don't think it's right that he gets my son just because his attorney tricked me into signing papers. I just don't think the law is just at all. I mean, He took off with my son for weeks and did not bring him back and then served me papers and he gets my son? This isn't right.

              So, I should give up? Is that what your saying? I should just go in there and accept my destiny. No there are no free attorneys around here. They all go through legal aide. Legal aide denied me twice. It aint happening..

              Thanks for all of your advice.


              • #8
                Re: What do you think should happen?

                You wouldn't have been "tricked" into signing anything if you had hired an attorney as well, to represent you. Legal Aid exists in every state and practically every municipality. Any judge worth his salt would tell you the same thing SHOULD you ever get a chance to stand in front of one and tell this story. It's your own doing, regardless of why you did it. Unless you were under mental, medical, or physical duress (that of which can be proven), you signed of your own free will. You need to let that part of your problem go. It's over and done and it cannot be changed.

                What can be changed is you filing for custody of the child. There is no law that prevents you from doing so.

                If you go into court making accusations that you cannot PROVE in court, you will set yourself up to look like a parent who is trying to alienate a child from his/her other parent. Further, it is not your place to make the judgment on whether he's a "fit" parent. He was obviously "fit" enough to create the child with, and whether you like it or not, he's the child's father forever. He probably feels the same about you, which is why he won custody. That is always a double edged sword in these cases. Everyone is 'fit" until a child come along and there is a breakup in the mother/father relationship. Then, it's all out war. It never fails.

                You claim he got your son magically out of thin air, merely because you were "tricked" into signing papers, but then go on to say he had your son for WEEKS before the signing of these mysterious papers ever occurred. Did you not prepare yourself for a custody battle? Are you unable to sell anything you might have that you do not need in order to afford an attorney? Are you unable to take out a small loan? Why did legal aid deny you? That seems rather odd. Did you not file immediately for ex parte emergency custody when he took the child and didn't return him? There are many things you dropped the ball on, and now you are trying to rationalize the real reasons you lost custody. Being 'tricked' into signing paperwork is not one of those reasons. You had ample time and opportunity to prepare for this case. How many attorneys did you contact regarding this matter?

                Nobody has thus far told you to sit back and "accept your destiny". You have been advised to file for custody, get an attorney no matter what you have to do to afford it (IF you want your son back, you obviously cannot go this alone), and don't sign anything ever again that you do not understand or don't feel comfortable with. Realize as well that the opposing team's attorney is going to do what they can to win their case. She "made it seem like" is NOT the same thing as, "this is the law, and I'll ask the judge to inform you that I'm telling the truth about everything I'm claiming".


                • #9
                  Re: What do you think should happen?

                  "There are many things you dropped the ball on, and now you are trying to rationalize the real reasons you lost custody." Correct, we are missing important details on this case.

                  For 2 years, the parents went along with their own verbal custody and visitation arrangement. What prompted a man who still lives with his mother, has no job, no car, no prospects, and spends the little money that he has on full custody all of a sudden? Something happened in mom's home and that was behind her decision to sign the temporary order without much of a fight. That said, if dad takes drugs, the court should be aware of it.

                  I suggest that mom hires an attorney and stops signing documents she does not understand. The outcome of all this battle depends on who can provide a safe and stable environment for the child.


                  • #10
                    Re: What do you think should happen?

                    This is the last time I get help on a forum. I am a good person. Nothing happened in my house. I wanted to see my son because he TOOK him for 6 weeks. I missed him. I was emotional. He wants custody to get child support from me because the man has not worked in two years and does not want to. End of Story. I just had to defend myself. It's not like it matters. We don't know each other. However, it was more for me.

                    Thanks for your advice. I understand that I should not blame him for anything or try to make him look bad.


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