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Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

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  • Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

    My boyfriends ex wife, from whom he was only wed to for 2 months, has been taking him to court for 5 years trying anything possible to get him to the point where he signs his rights. At the beginning of the childs life, she actually disappeared leaving him to be the sole provider but someone got back full custody. Shes constantly bringing up hidden bills and old bills nobody knew about trying to get him to pay more and knowing he cant afford it so therefore he'll go to jail or have no choice but to sign away rights or keep coming to court. Is this even LEGAL?? Now they are trying to bring ME into the court saying that I "harass, annoy or embarass" the child and petitioner (mom). Ive NEVER met the childs mother. I found out she was mentally unstable and a junior high "Life Skills" teacher and wrote an anonymous letter to the school about the safety of the children she was teaching since I had "heard" that she was bi-polar and not medicated. I never made any false statements about her medical conditions, just merely added my opinion. That is the only time ive ever dealt with her mother. Ive never hurt or yelled at the child in question nor "harassed" her. Is there any legal action to take against her for harassment against US? Just doesnt seem fair??

  • #2
    Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

    I just want to say that i am not positive but i think that the only thing she could do is file a police report and maybe file a harassment charge on you and a judge has to decide whether it is a good enough reason to have a warrant put out for your arrest and unless she can prove that you wrote the letter (which i don't see how that was harassment) the judge will probably dismiss it......but if its brought up in court with your boyfriend the judge just might say that you need to stay out of the visitation...

    i know every county is different but in some places the parents can have added that there be no cohabitation or over night visitors (i dont know if you live together)...but if the judge see's fit he can say that you can't be there when the child is there for visitation (even if you live there)...

    But i would not worry about it....the burden of proof is on her and if there is none don't worry about it...

    Heck if she messes with you....file a report on her....its fair game if she messes with you....good luck because i have been in the EXACT same situation.....its hard

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

      This is exactly why the boyfriend, girlfriend, new husband, new wife, should stay out of these types of situations.

      You had no business writing an "anonymous" letter to her place of employment. On what qualifications did you make this assertion that the woman is "mentally unstable"? Are you her treating doctor? Are you a psychiatrist/psychologist? How did you make that diagnosis? You "heard" she's "bi-polar", and you "heard" she's not on medication? Perhaps you're familiar with the term hearsay? Repeating rumors IS making false accusations, since you do not know with any absolute certainty that what you've "heard" is actually the truth. The woman ought to bring defamation, slander, and libel action against you. I know I would. I would also find a way to legally ensure you could never be around my child again.

      Quite the contrary to your lamenting about her harassing you, (which, incidentally, you don't have to deal with since you have no legal or familial ties to either the father or the child), you are harassing her, especially when you are interfering with her livelihood and attempting to embarrass her at her job and get her fired. You certainly make up for in nerve what you lack in intelligence and maturity.

      You need to keep out of this. It is not your battle to fight. What you did in regard to writing the "anonymous" letter (which was cowardly) was childish, vindictive, and was way out of line.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

        Originally posted by BamaBrownEyes1985 View Post
        I just want to say that i am not positive but i think that the only thing she could do is file a police report and maybe file a harassment charge on you and a judge has to decide whether it is a good enough reason to have a warrant put out for your arrest and unless she can prove that you wrote the letter (which i don't see how that was harassment) the judge will probably dismiss it......but if its brought up in court with your boyfriend the judge just might say that you need to stay out of the visitation...

        i know every county is different but in some places the parents can have added that there be no cohabitation or over night visitors (i dont know if you live together)...but if the judge see's fit he can say that you can't be there when the child is there for visitation (even if you live there)...

        But i would not worry about it....the burden of proof is on her and if there is none don't worry about it...

        Heck if she messes with you....file a report on her....its fair game if she messes with you....good luck because i have been in the EXACT same situation.....its hard


        ---Thank you for your response. I just dont think the court will find it in the best interest for me not to be there. Im more of a nurturer than her own mother. The poor girl didnt even know how to brush her hair or blowdry it, and I also have had to teach her how to properly wash her hair and body. Shes come to our house with fleas on her stuff from the dogs in their house and has even had CPS called out there before from another parent seeing the condition. She's constantly taking the child to therapy and overmedicating her and its just so sad. I wish she would just leave me out of it and find a way to agree with my boyfriend for the child's sake but I dont think that will happen any time soon.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          This is exactly why the boyfriend, girlfriend, new husband, new wife, should stay out of these types of situations.

          You had no business writing an "anonymous" letter to her place of employment. On what qualifications did you make this assertion that the woman is "mentally unstable"? Are you her treating doctor? Are you a psychiatrist/psychologist? How did you make that diagnosis? You "heard" she's "bi-polar", and you "heard" she's not on medication? Perhaps you're familiar with the term hearsay? Repeating rumors IS making false accusations, since you do not know with any absolute certainty that what you've "heard" is actually the truth. The woman ought to bring defamation, slander, and libel action against you. I know I would. I would also find a way to legally ensure you could never be around my child again.

          Quite the contrary to your lamenting about her harassing you, (which, incidentally, you don't have to deal with since you have no legal or familial ties to either the father or the child), you are harassing her, especially when you are interfering with her livelihood and attempting to embarrass her at her job and get her fired. You certainly make up for in nerve what you lack in intelligence and maturity.

          You need to keep out of this. It is not your battle to fight. What you did in regard to writing the "anonymous" letter (which was cowardly) was childish, vindictive, and was way out of line.
          - I wish you knew the whole situation but I haven't the time or energy to type it. Thanks for your input though, I'll take it into consideration for future proceedings since im sure she will be bringing us to court until the child is 18. I have had numerous stress related health problems since shes been taking us to court since it DOES interfere with MY life and MY child. Ive missed work on numerous occasions having to deal with her absurd accusations. She constantly tries to maliciously keep bills from him just to be able to bring him to court after the fact. I dont understand how that is legal?? But anyways, thanks for your time and response. Its good to know there's more than one opinion on my situation but Ive never heard yours before. So thanks again

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

            Sorry to correct you, but the courts do not agree with your mistaken belief that it would be in your best interest to be there. You are not a party to this and a judge ought inform you of this. You might be "more nurturing" (in your own opinion), than the child's mother, but the fact remains that you are notthe child's mother, nor do you have any legal claim or right to the child whatsoever. You are not even married to the child's father, and that makes your presence even more of a concern.

            Leave you out of if? You are the one meddling. You are the one involving yourself. You admit this by wanting to be present in court proceedings and sending off anonymous letters to the woman's place of employment, which could turn out to bite you, should she file legal action against you for doing so. Did she send a letter to your place of employment slandering you and trying to get your fired? What exactly is she doing to involve you and harass you? You are in her child's life on the outside fringes and that is the extent of it. The child's mother and father will always be connected, and that is for life, so if you cannot handle that, it's best to break ties now.

            You can respond only to those who have no first hand knowledge of the laws regarding this if you want to, merely because their opinion sympathizes with and agrees with your position, but they are just as wrong as you regarding your place and role in this matter. The poster you thanked even admits they aren't sure about any of their advice offered, and gave some pretty foolhardy advice, such as advising you to "file a report on her if she "messes" with you". That is BAD advice.

            Keep meddling and you will soon find yourself on the receiving end of lawsuits. STAY OUT OF IT! It's NOT your fight to battle. If you are so concerned about this child, marry this man and become a legitimate step-parent to the child you claim to be so concerned about.

            Sorry to say, but you are not going to get entirely tea and sympathy responses to your "dilemma", except from other legal strangers who need to learn how to keep their meddling noses out of these types of matters. It only exacerbate the problem and makes it worse.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

              "I have had numerous stress related health problems since shes been taking us to court since it DOES interfere with MY life and MY child."

              Whose fault is that? You are putting yourself through stress voluntarily, since you have no LEGAL tie to either the child OR the father of the child. You are taking on this burden completely of your own accord, so any "stress" related health problems are your own doing. Since you have not committed to this man and married him, you are free to leave at any time. Nobody is forcing you to stick around.

              Taking "us" to court? There is no "us". Only "he, him".

              "MY child"? Oh my dear you are so very wrong on so many disturbing levels. This is NOT your child. How utterly audacious for you to make such a proclamation. Did you give birth to this child? Did you adopt this child? Get that ridiculous notion that the child is "yours" out of your head.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

                yes UNREGISTERED....i am sympathetic with the situation because i have been in the same one ad i will say that i have had some responses to some of my questions just like yours and no i did not like it at first but it really is true....you really should try to stay out of it as much as possible...

                I know thats easier said than done but if you try it will make things better...for you at least and maybe even for the parents.....i thought i was helping in some situations but now that i look back i was causing some of the arguments....

                I am not totally agreeing with the UNREGISTERED poster but i guess that was kind of bad advice about the report...and no i don't agree with you sending a letter to the school because that does affect the child because that could have caused her to lose her job....I would just make my mind up from this day forward (NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS) do not contact her or anything...when the child is around don;t say anything about the mother...GOOD OR BAD....and even if she tries to contact you or harass you just be the bigger person and ignore her..

                I have been in the same situation and if your boyfriends ex is like the ex in my situation she loves and thrives on chaos and if you just ignore the stupidity then it will eventually stop....

                Hang in there and try to be the bigger person....and no more letters or anyhthing...ok...lol...seriously that only makes things worse and brings you down....try to enjoy the child and be there for her when you can and let him and her mother worry about the nasty stuff.... you can do it...I DID...AND MY LIFE IS ALOT MORE SIMPLE..

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

                  The problem with offering sympathetic advice is this is not that type of forum. It's a legal advice forum, and offering tea and sympathy does not help the situation nor does it offer up any advice that could even be construed as legal.

                  The OP has absolutely no business even attending these court hearings, so why she's disrupting her life to do so is unclear. She is an LEGALLY uninterested party who has no stake in the matter whatsoever. It's one thing to offer emotional support to loved ones. It's a whole other thing to meddle in the LEGAL affairs of those loved ones when there is nothing you can do about it except make the situation worse.

                  What makes the matter worse is that without the benefit of marriage, this child could get attached to the unmarried girlfriend of dad, and that alone is reason to either commit and get married or mind your own business. What happens when the father of this child decides the girlfriend is causing more headache than the mother of his child and boots her to the curb? What happens if the girlfriend decides this is not the relationship for her? There is no LEGAL connection involved, and either party can end the relationship without hassle. If she's a live in, she simply moves out. If not, it's even easier to end the relationship. The child is stuck in the middle, and has enough chaos without losing another person they're attached to because this woman "cared" enough about that child to meddle with his/her mother and father's legal issues, but did not care enough to marry his/her father and become a legitimate step-parent, who will then have at least a modicum of clout.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

                    I see your point.....

                    but on the getting married note...from my own experience we waited to get married until some of the ugly court drama was over and now we are stronger than ever....but i see your point on the child being stuck in the middle and if someone decided they want out then the child/children are hurt....

                    But hopefully she will take my advice and stay out of it.....i say be there for the child and the boyfriend but stay out of the legal drama....i still sometimes ask questions on here but only because i may be curious about something because of course even if you don't put yourself in the middle of a situation if yu are with someone that it is happening to they are gonna "vent" about it too you.....i just ask and keep things to myself and NEVER have contact with the mother.....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

                      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                      Sorry to correct you, but the courts do not agree with your mistaken belief that it would be in your best interest to be there. You are not a party to this and a judge ought inform you of this. You might be "more nurturing" (in your own opinion), than the child's mother, but the fact remains that you are notthe child's mother, nor do you have any legal claim or right to the child whatsoever. You are not even married to the child's father, and that makes your presence even more of a concern.

                      Leave you out of if? You are the one meddling. You are the one involving yourself. You admit this by wanting to be present in court proceedings and sending off anonymous letters to the woman's place of employment, which could turn out to bite you, should she file legal action against you for doing so. Did she send a letter to your place of employment slandering you and trying to get your fired? What exactly is she doing to involve you and harass you? You are in her child's life on the outside fringes and that is the extent of it. The child's mother and father will always be connected, and that is for life, so if you cannot handle that, it's best to break ties now.

                      You can respond only to those who have no first hand knowledge of the laws regarding this if you want to, merely because their opinion sympathizes with and agrees with your position, but they are just as wrong as you regarding your place and role in this matter. The poster you thanked even admits they aren't sure about any of their advice offered, and gave some pretty foolhardy advice, such as advising you to "file a report on her if she "messes" with you". That is BAD advice.

                      Keep meddling and you will soon find yourself on the receiving end of lawsuits. STAY OUT OF IT! It's NOT your fight to battle. If you are so concerned about this child, marry this man and become a legitimate step-parent to the child you claim to be so concerned about.

                      Sorry to say, but you are not going to get entirely tea and sympathy responses to your "dilemma", except from other legal strangers who need to learn how to keep their meddling noses out of these types of matters. It only exacerbate the problem and makes it worse.
                      -Honey its only considered slander (which itd be libel since it was written not SAID... you really need a dictionary) if its considered FALSE. Its not a false statement so im sure i have NOTHING to worry about : ) - I dont put myself in anything, I dont write letters.. i wrote ONE email and I definately think i had the right to do so. Is it slander or libel if someone calls and says he "heard" a kid had a bomb and turns out he didnt have one?? Didnt think so?? Hmm... But yes I try to stay out of it but when she brings up my name its my business and her half brother is my son so I kinda do have a right to be in her life. Thanks!!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

                        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                        "I have had numerous stress related health problems since shes been taking us to court since it DOES interfere with MY life and MY child."

                        Whose fault is that? You are putting yourself through stress voluntarily, since you have no LEGAL tie to either the child OR the father of the child. You are taking on this burden completely of your own accord, so any "stress" related health problems are your own doing. Since you have not committed to this man and married him, you are free to leave at any time. Nobody is forcing you to stick around.

                        Taking "us" to court? There is no "us". Only "he, him".

                        "MY child"? Oh my dear you are so very wrong on so many disturbing levels. This is NOT your child. How utterly audacious for you to make such a proclamation. Did you give birth to this child? Did you adopt this child? Get that ridiculous notion that the child is "yours" out of your head.
                        Shes trying to take ME to court... even though you keep repeatedly telling me I am no concern to the child.. why is she taking ME then? And subpoenaing ME? The child I was talking about that is MINE is her brother and the fact that we have to leave work and pay to have him in daycare while he has to go to court. Get your facts straight before presenting such a horrible reply

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          The problem with offering sympathetic advice is this is not that type of forum. It's a legal advice forum, and offering tea and sympathy does not help the situation nor does it offer up any advice that could even be construed as legal.

                          The OP has absolutely no business even attending these court hearings, so why she's disrupting her life to do so is unclear. She is an LEGALLY uninterested party who has no stake in the matter whatsoever. It's one thing to offer emotional support to loved ones. It's a whole other thing to meddle in the LEGAL affairs of those loved ones when there is nothing you can do about it except make the situation worse.

                          What makes the matter worse is that without the benefit of marriage, this child could get attached to the unmarried girlfriend of dad, and that alone is reason to either commit and get married or mind your own business. What happens when the father of this child decides the girlfriend is causing more headache than the mother of his child and boots her to the curb? What happens if the girlfriend decides this is not the relationship for her? There is no LEGAL connection involved, and either party can end the relationship without hassle. If she's a live in, she simply moves out. If not, it's even easier to end the relationship. The child is stuck in the middle, and has enough chaos without losing another person they're attached to because this woman "cared" enough about that child to meddle with his/her mother and father's legal issues, but did not care enough to marry his/her father and become a legitimate step-parent, who will then have at least a modicum of clout.
                          - I have no idea where you are getting the notion I go to the court proceedings. I dont but she is trying to file against us stating MY name as the reason for the motion... in which Im sure I'll be attending since I have the right to defend myself and face my accuser.. we are in america arnt we??

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

                            I'm the OP and I just would like to say thanks for the legal advice I got... thats the only reason I wanted to ask a question. He has been getting screwed over with this faaaar before I was in the picture and Im merely trying to help him out since he hasnt been clear on all his legal choices hes entitled to. I think Ive been terribly misunderstood and havent made my case clear. I just would like to tell you I try to stay out of everything as much as possible but yes, when I see how stressed my boyfriend is, ... Its hard not to wonder if theres anything I can do to help. I realize I should just stay the hell out of it and I'll probably be alot happier with my life but I think itd make him more stressed knowing he cant talk to me about it. Its just hard knowing that two people who did like or love eachother at one time cant come to agreements without courts involved. I honestly hope Im never in this situation because it all sounds like a big headache and waste of time in the end. And we do plan on getting married, infact since we're in Texas, we can legally call ourselves married if we wanted to since weve lived with each other longer than 6 months. But I wont do that because I dont want any legal part of the children that arnt mine right now until all this drama is finally done.. if it is finally ever done. No hard feelings, I dont wish anyone to be offended but its a passionate subject and without knowing everything thats truly going on, I guess you really cant offer me any advice.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Help with being harassed by custodial parent!!

                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              My boyfriends ex wife, from whom he was only wed to for 2 months, has been taking him to court for 5 years trying anything possible to get him to the point where he signs his rights. At the beginning of the childs life, she actually disappeared leaving him to be the sole provider but someone got back full custody. Shes constantly bringing up hidden bills and old bills nobody knew about trying to get him to pay more and knowing he cant afford it so therefore he'll go to jail or have no choice but to sign away rights or keep coming to court. Is this even LEGAL?? Now they are trying to bring ME into the court saying that I "harass, annoy or embarass" the child and petitioner (mom). Ive NEVER met the childs mother. I found out she was mentally unstable and a junior high "Life Skills" teacher and wrote an anonymous letter to the school about the safety of the children she was teaching since I had "heard" that she was bi-polar and not medicated. I never made any false statements about her medical conditions, just merely added my opinion. That is the only time ive ever dealt with her mother. Ive never hurt or yelled at the child in question nor "harassed" her. Is there any legal action to take against her for harassment against US? Just doesnt seem fair??
                              Let's point out the inconsistencies in your recent statements by comparing them to the above, original post you wrote. "I found out she was mentally unstable and a junior high "Life Skills" teacher and wrote an anonymous letter to the school about the safety of the children she was teaching since I had "heard" that she was bi-polar and not medicated. I never made any false statements about her medical conditions, just merely added my opinion.

                              It's unclear why you believe your opinion supersedes truth or falseness. Opinions are not truth. They are merely opinions. In your case, it's rumor, and not fact, as you have no idea if what you've been "told" is actually the truth or not. Your attempt to minimize the seriousness of your egregious misstep is merely an attempt to justify what you did as righteous, but it is not. It was spiteful and malicious. There is NO court of law that will agree with your position on the reasons you did what you did.

                              The only way you could have possible been privy to her mental health would be if you were a medical doctor who diagnosed and treated this woman. Anything other than that is hearsay. To that end, a person's medical health/status and information is private, protected by laws, so you running around town writing LETTERS (again, YOUR word and not anyone else's) is slander, and yes, LIBEL, which is even better, as you put it in writing, which is a slam dunk case for victory on her side.

                              You are, apparently, never going to see that what you did was anything other than rightful. You simply had no business involving yourself in such a way. It's even worse that you have never met this woman to form your own "opinion" on what her mental or medical condition is. Would you anymore write an anonymous letter to a person afflicted with AIDS's place of employment? That is an extreme violation of a person's privacy.

                              This woman is more than likely subpoenaing you to court over this letter, as it most certainly is harassing, annoying, and embarrassing.

                              You can't get the advice you are seeking because it's difficult to look past the stunt you pulled without provocation. It is the father's problem to deal with alone, and while it's understandable that you wish to help, as you can see now, you've only made a bad situation worse. There is nothing you can legally do for him. He has to do it for himself.

                              Did the subpoena come before or after the "anonymous" letter?

                              And you're right. It's a passionate subject when a person's emotionally involved, but raging at strangers on the internet whose advice you don't agree with is not the way to handle it.

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