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Need Help for Friend in Terrible Marriage

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  • Need Help for Friend in Terrible Marriage

    Thank you for reading this post. A good friend of mine has been married for about a year and a half, and she has a two-year old daughter with her current husband. She quickly realized that she had made a mistake and has been seeking a divorce ever since. Every time she brings up the divorce issue, he threatens to hire a lawyer and take her baby from her. To avoid this, she has been suffering through a relationship with this man. He is verbally abusive to her and controls her life in ways that he should not. When she first left him, he admitted himself to the mental hospital where he lived for about two weeks. During this time, he admitted to having inappropriate feelings for his 12-year old step daughter (her second daughter from a previous marriage). A subsequent investigation by CPS led to no findings. He was also put on permanent disability from his job, and ended up having to give up the condo that his family lived in. He has since begun working again, but has still not provided his family with a place to live. They have been living in hotels for the past 5 months. Because she was a stay at home mother, she does not have the resources to get her own place to live, and so is forced to stay with this man, who is constantly fighting with her in front of their daughter. I am wondering what her options are as far as getting a divorce and custody of her daughter. Any advice or info is greatly appreciated. Thank you all.

  • #2
    Re: Need Help for Friend in Terrible Marriage

    I wish to inform you that your friend can file for divorce on the ground of cruelty. In this your friend can bring out all the cruel treatment which she is suffering along with the relevant evidence. As regards the custody of child, the court gives custody keeping the best interest of the child in view. As there was a case where your friend's husband has previously stated that he has developed inappropriate feelings for her 12 year old daughter, therefore, it can be informed to court that best interest of child are with mother and not such a father. Further, court will decide keeping all factors in view including the past of your friend's husband. Your friend has to bring to the notice of court that her husband is not suitable for the child because of those reasons and she should be given custody.



    • #3
      Re: Need Help for Friend in Terrible Marriage

      She quickly realized she made a mistake which time? When she conceived a child with this man (which took place before the marriage), or the marriage?

      She can get a no fault divorce. If she brings up child abuse allegations against the husband, she'll likely only have a battle on her hands with the courts in which they will likely give him more visitation, not less.

      This woman seems to have some track record in realizing she picked the wrong men. If you are her friend, advise her strongly to stop having babies and to give marriage a rest.


      • #4
        Re: Need Help for Friend in Terrible Marriage

        Thank you AFFA. I appreciate you taking the time to post a thoughtful response. I will certainly bring all of these factors to her attention, and I'm sure things will turn around for her very soon.


        • #5
          Re: Need Help for Friend in Terrible Marriage

          Sorry, OP, but the information Affa provided was not accurate.

          If she "brings notice to the court that the husband is not suitable for the child", she will be showing the court she is attempting to alienate him as the child's father, and it may very well backfire. How he is with her is not the same as how he is with his child.

          She also will face an uphill battle, and make an already bad situation with her husband, worse, should she choose to pursue a divorce on the grounds of "cruelty". These days, that accusation in a marriage is extremely hard to prove, and the side accusing has to bring more than merely "he's mean to me". It doesn't work that way.

          Your friend would do well to file for legal separation and when the proper time has elapsed, file for a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. Her efforts should also be put forth to show that she is not attempting to alienate the child from the father and vice versa.

          If you are going to report back to your friend what avenue she should take, on the advice of one poster on a public message board, where no attorney actually gave advice, you should really keep your nose out of it. Your friend would be better advised by a friend to consult with a real attorney. That is what a real friend would advise.


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