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Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

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  • Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

    I have recently found out that i am going to be a dad. unfortunaly me and the mother are not married and we split up about a month ago. She says she wants to work things out and so do i. Altho this is what i want i cannot reley on this to happen. She is a very good mother to her 8 year old son whome she has full custody of. I am not happy with the way fathers get treated in regards to the visitation they get when they are not with the mother. There is nothing in this world that i want to be apart of this childs life and not just a visitor to it. I want to have my baby at least 3 days a week.

    I need to find out steps i can take right now to be able to get my child 3 days a week.

    What do i need to work on to prove in court that i can be its daddy full time?

    My goal is a 3 day week with my baby. How do i get that ?

    Any way i can get evidence from her now while we still communicate to back me up in court?

    Should i take fatherhood classes that would help me in court?

    What are the chances?

    She is not even 3 months pregnant yet so i have some time to get things ready. I hope i get alot of of posts back . It is vital to my life that i do what i have to do to be the best dad that i can be and have the best relationship with my child. Thanks for your time.

  • #2
    Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

    I wish to inform you that in matters relating to custody of child, the welfare of child is considered to be of paramount consideration. In your case first for getting child custody after the child birth you will have to establish paternity as the child is from unwed mother, hence, father in such cases usually have to establish this fact. In getting custody of child you will have to show that child's best interests are served if the child is in your custody. Taking up fatherhood classes depends upon how well you know the role a father can play in child's life and can present to court. You basically have to show child's interest are better secured with you than with mother. Even if mother is taking proper care of first child but you can show instances if any where mother has neglected her duties. If you know any such instance where mother has not fulfilled her duty that can be informed to court and can be argued that mather may not take proper care of the child. This is important to show that the best interests of child are with you.

    AFF

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    • #3
      Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

      I am not looking for full custody of the baby . She is a great mother and i want both of us to raise my baby .I am looking to get Visitation rights were i can have my baby several days a week. rather than the every other weekendmost guys get. If you think thats enought time to be apart of your childs life i dont know what to tell you.

      I already know i have to prove paterinty and request visitation. I am seeking ways to improve my chances that i can take now to be able to get better visitation.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

        The best advice to give you is to try to maintain a civil relationship with the mother, and go with her to her doctor appointments, perhaps enroll in a lamaze class together, etc. With 6 more months to do, you might be putting the cart before the horse in assuming you two will never get back together.

        Make sure when the baby is born you sign the Acknowledgement of Paternity, as well as the birth certificate. If you are absolutely certain this is your baby, that is. These days, with DNA testing available, and with its rated accuracy level, I would recommend every man insist on a paternity test.

        Help her through her pregnancy and be sure to help with all costs associated with the pregnancy. All of these things increase your chances for shared custody.

        My brother had to battle a false PFA that the mother of his child falsified, and he still got joint custody with no less than 2 days per week physical custody. This means if he wants to keep her for a week, or even a month, he is well within his right to do so. He and the mother are have equal rights in all matters concerning the rearing of his child. So not all fathers are delegated to every other weekend. The courts are changing in that regard. Fathers who are proactive and fight for their rights instead of just sitting back and merely whining about how unfair the mother and the courts both are are the ones who prevail with more than merely every other weekend.

        Good luck to you.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

          Thank you for youre information . Hopefully we do work things out between us and we can move on and have a happy family. But unfortunaly right now i can not rele on this to happen. Even thought she says she wants to work things out i dont see it in any of her actions.
          So i have to do what i have to do now to give me better chances of being in the baby life. By going to her appointments and taking some classes is a start. I am going to contact a lawyer soon and sit in on some court cases to see exaclty what the court is looking for. I am willing to do what ever it takes to make thingsw work between us and have a relaitonship with my baby.
          i hope more people post more comments and suggestions. There isnt nothing in this world that i want than a relationship with my baby.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

            I have been the "support" on two such issues as this. One for a father fighting for visitation with his daughter and now for my own daughter fighting for her son.

            One thing I have learned is that the courts look at any "bashing" by either parent. So always point out your positives and as the pp stated attending doctor's appts, taking clases, helping to pay for the baby items are pluses. Check into your state as to the Acknowledgement of Paternity signed in the hospital and if you can rescind it. I say this because I believe that you should sign the AoP in the hospital and have the paternity test. The test results will not be returned until later but should, by some unknown reason, you are not the father, you do have a way out.

            Keep things positive. Her hormones are running rampant so her mood swings can go all different ways so try to be understanding. This is not any easy situation for either of you. By being supportive and positive, no matter how hard it gets, it truly is for the best interests of the child.

            The only thing that can make your request unreasonable during the first year after birth is if the mother breast feeds. I have seen that this means that she is the food source. A helpful suggestion to this is to have the mother pump - again, this can be used as a positive so that she can get a restful nights sleep, have some time to herself and it also helps you to bond with the child as a feeding source. Buy her the pump if she doesn't have one.

            It seems that in both cases I have been involved with - things were said in haste and by all parties to hurt each other. No judgement as to who was right or wrong. But I do know that at times the child was used as a pawn.

            Good luck.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

              I am in the opposite boat as you are. I am the mother of an unborn child and the father wants 3 days a week. I wish that my babys father would take the above advice. He has done nothing but threaten me if I choose to file for child support... which I will be doing. However his mother did agree to buy a breastpump. I just cant see having my child raised full time by a man who doesnt even have a job who lives off his mother and new girlfriend, supplimented by unemployment. This is prolly the "bashing" courts look for so ill stop now. I am however considering just giving him the 3 days a week but I'd rather him just have her 2 nights a week instead. Also he only wants her 3 nights a week so that the child support will be cut in half. However your motives sound way better.In the beginning he also agreed to pay half of the prenatal bills but backed out after I refused to allow him to come to the visits. These kinds of situations are an emotional mess but im down to the wire and I would just like to know that me and the father are on the same page before she arrives. Neither of us can afford an attorney.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

                Once you file for child support, he can file for custody of the child.

                Many women like to believe men want their children more often so that child support won't be as high. But that is really a nonsensical argument, as, it costs more when the child is with the parent than not. The argument simply doesn't hold water. For some reason, many women don't believe men are capable of bonding with their children and don't believe men really want to be fathers to their children or are even capable of the job. This is simply not true most of the time.

                Your "allowing" him to have time with is own child is not going to be decided by you. If will be decided by a judge. Many women also make this mistake; believing they call the shots on what's "allowed" and what's not. As if the man is another child the woman has to watch over to critique whether he's doing a "good job" at parenting his own child.

                If women could simply wrap their heads around the fact that human beings (their children) are not their sole possession and that it takes two to have a child, they probably would not bring on so many problems for themselves. Children need both their mom and their dad equally.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

                  Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                  Once you file for child support, he can file for custody of the child.

                  Many women like to believe men want their children more often so that child support won't be as high. But that is really a nonsensical argument, as, it costs more when the child is with the parent than not. The argument simply doesn't hold water. For some reason, many women don't believe men are capable of bonding with their children and don't believe men really want to be fathers to their children or are even capable of the job. This is simply not true most of the time.

                  Your "allowing" him to have time with is own child is not going to be decided by you. If will be decided by a judge. Many women also make this mistake; believing they call the shots on what's "allowed" and what's not. As if the man is another child the woman has to watch over to critique whether he's doing a "good job" at parenting his own child.

                  If women could simply wrap their heads around the fact that human beings (their children) are not their sole possession and that it takes two to have a child, they probably would not bring on so many problems for themselves. Children need both their mom and their dad equally.

                  This was obviously written by a man

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    This was obviously written by a man
                    What difference does it make? Man or woman, the words are right on target. If you take issue with it, start your own thread.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

                      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                      What difference does it make? Man or woman, the words are right on target. If you take issue with it, start your own thread.
                      Your words are not on target. Men more and more are trying to convince us women that neither parent is more important, yet women are by nature given the tools to raise the child. Men can't provide living quarters the first nine months, and they can't provide the nutrients for the next year. A mother has a special bond with her child that a father will never understand and could never come close to mimicking. I get tired of men attacking women and trying to take their babies from them out of spite. I think if women could do it on their own, without needing child support, men would more often than not just walk.

                      Women, we need to do more to fight for our rights. There are more sites on the internet devoted to supporting men seeking custody battle tips then there are for women. There is something very wrong with this!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

                        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                        Your words are not on target. Men more and more are trying to convince us women that neither parent is more important, yet women are by nature given the tools to raise the child. Men can't provide living quarters the first nine months, and they can't provide the nutrients for the next year. A mother has a special bond with her child that a father will never understand and could never come close to mimicking. I get tired of men attacking women and trying to take their babies from them out of spite. I think if women could do it on their own, without needing child support, men would more often than not just walk.

                        Women, we need to do more to fight for our rights. There are more sites on the internet devoted to supporting men seeking custody battle tips then there are for women. There is something very wrong with this!
                        It's your words that are "not on target". Your words are from a severely slanted (an quite childish) point of view and not based in reality.

                        Women are not "by nature given the tools the raise a child". Child murder is mainly a female crime, meaning mothers are more apt to KILL their own children than fathers.

                        If women could do it on their own, without needing child support - or any other "free" welfare handed out like candy - they simply would not have children.

                        The fact is, children need BOTH their parents. Mother and father.

                        Your words are ignorant, slanted, and leaning towards demented.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

                          Your words are ignorant, slanted, and leaning towards demented.
                          And I think you are resentful and jealous.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

                            classes could be helpful to prove you know what your doing, make sure you got everything you need at your house too, go with her to as many appts as possible.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Unwed Father wants more than weekends for unborn baby

                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              And I think you are resentful and jealous.
                              Project much?

                              Nobody cares what you "think".

                              Comment

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