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  • Difficult situation and asking for advice

    I will try to make this short. My boyfriend has a 5 mnth old son who lives with his mother. The mother never listed my bf as the father so she has full rights. She is now asking that we take their son, but is not clear as to how long. She has moved from SC to Indiana and is now moving back to SC within 2 months. We live in TN. We do not want to "take" their son from her, but simply want rights as well. We feel our home is more healthy for him as she does not have a steady job or home at this time. Can someone please tell us what steps we should take. I know we need a Paternity test and possibly need to take her to court for Joint Custody, but I am not sure the best way to go about this. We would like to do this in the least dramatic way, but the mother is not very understanding. Help!!!

  • #2
    Re: Difficult situation and asking for advice

    Ok not to be rude but there is no "we" there is only him and Mom. "He" needs to seek paternity test and then consult an Attorney on how to proceed with custody, visitation and support orders

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    • #3
      Re: Difficult situation and asking for advice

      I say "we" because "we" both are writing this. But since I will be caring for this child along with him and we live together I will be involved if it goes to court. He knows he needs a Paternity test, but isn't sure if the courts will order one or does he go do it for himself first?

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      • #4
        Re: Difficult situation and asking for advice

        Your boyfriend needs to petition the court for a paternity test to legally establish himself as the child's father. Once that has been accomplished, he needs to file for either full or joint custody of the child. Or, he can simply ask for visitation.

        If he needs assistance in accomplishing these tasks, he can consult an attorney who doesn't charge a consultation fee, or he can look up his state's legal assistance office online for forms and instructions on hw to proceed.

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        • #5
          Re: Difficult situation and asking for advice

          Originally posted by Amy615 View Post
          I say "we" because "we" both are writing this. But since I will be caring for this child along with him and we live together I will be involved if it goes to court. He knows he needs a Paternity test, but isn't sure if the courts will order one or does he go do it for himself first?
          Honestly its best if your not involved for his sake

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          • #6
            Re: Difficult situation and asking for advice

            As far as I have read, if it goes to court they will look at where the baby will be living. And if he lives with us then the court will involve me to see if I am fit. I am not involving myself...but if the mother wants to drop the child into my home and leave him I feel that I should be involved. I am not putting myself in the middle, only trying to find out the process that needs to be taken. I cannot sit back and watch my bf stress over this situation and not help find out what he should do.

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            • #7
              Re: Difficult situation and asking for advice

              It would be nice if people could simply stick to giving advice rather than waving their morality stick in the air, and keep harping on the semantic details of a relationship.

              This forum has turned into the "it's not we, it's him and her" forum. It's aggravating to click on a thread only to read that "advice". These people know good and well what their position is. There is no need to keep wagging it in their faces. Add something a tad more constructive.

              OP, you are correct in that a judge will take your relationship with the child and the child's father into consideration. The child needs a stable home. Couples in a loving relationship often provide just that. Even more so if the couple is married. Do you plan to get married?

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              • #8
                Re: Difficult situation and asking for advice

                It would be equally nice if those giving advice had enough balls to actually register as well! That being said, OP is a "legal" stranger in this with no role. Will the parents partner and living conditions play a role? Maybe. However if other parent lets a person hes not even willing to marry play a role in his her legal stance this shows Judge lack of involvment! We have seen these legal stranger get way too involved way too much and it rarely turns out good. Be moreal support to your partner but remove yourself from the legal process

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                • #9
                  Re: Difficult situation and asking for advice

                  Here we go taking the thread way off topic again with the tired old fallback "argument" about who is registered and who is not. Again, if you don't like it, create your own forum where you can make the rules about that. What difference does it make anyway? It doesn't make any difference. I didn't realize it requires "balls" to offer helpful advice that has a modicum of legal support to it, instead of doling out sanctimonious platitudes to people who come here for help. So leave that tired old excuse at the playground where it belongs.

                  Who's "we" when you say "we've" seen these legal strangers get involved and it rarely turns out well? Can you offer up actual instances? I'm sure you have been at one time or another, a "legal stranger". Did it serve any good purpose to be told you have no standing? This OP isn't looking for advice for herself. She's concerned about a child, and it's too bad these actual mothers and fathers don't seem to be half as concerned about their own children as "legal strangers" are. There is absolutely no harm in her asking questions on behalf of her boyfriend. She obviously cares more about the child than the child's own mother. Is that what is touching such a nerve?

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