USAC Banner 728x90

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

    I have been receiving child support for my son since he was 6. I have asked for one increase and have taken it on his father's word that he was making what he was saying. He fought me on it but agreed to pay the increase. I threatened to, but never got a court order for child support. I also never got a court order because I didn't want to put my son through a legal battle between his father and I. His father always paid me (granted often late). My son has special needs and just began receiving SSI. He will be 20 next month. Granted, it is only a little bit of money, but I applied for SSI mainly for the medical benefits so he would be covered. Anyway, he just graduated High School and his father has deliberately taken action to cut ties with me. He bought my son a cell phone so he wouldn't have to talk to me and will only pick him up when I am not around. He has not paid a child support payment in 3 months and has ignored all of my attempts to contact him. He will not answer calls, emails or text messages. He is basically a gutless coward who is afraid of confrontation. To make matters worse he is attempting to be super dad (taking my son to the movies, restaurants etc) and had never done these things in the past. Has anyone else had a situation like this? Am I screwed because I never got a court order? I am consulting a lawyer tomorrow but I was curious if anyone knows what my rights are and how I can get this SOB. Also, I would like to get him for back support being that he didn't pay me anything the first 6 years of his life and probably makes more income than the amount he has been paying me. Any help would be greatly appreciated

  • #2
    re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

    Sounds good to me. Son graduates, dad stops paying (normal) - after paying without court order pretty good for years, you don't have to deal with him anymore, he provides son a cell phone, he only takes your son when your not around and does fun things with him...so the problem is what?

    I'm not too sure on special needs children, there may be some extension past high school...but it won't go on forever.

    "He is basically a gutless coward who is afraid of confrontation" - sounds like a good man to me. You're out looking for a fight and his choice is to avoid it. Kudos to him. I can understand his desire to cut ties.

    Comment


    • #3
      re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

      Are you for real?

      Your son is getting to have time with his father (regardless of the past) and you are mad. He paid child support (without being told to be the courts) for years, and you are mad. He bought his son a cell phone, and you are mad. He doesnt want to talk to you, and he's gutless.

      You are in for a rude awakening, honey, if you get a legit lawyer. You did nothing for 14 years about child support (btw, its not a nasty court battle that your son would have been in so dont try that excuse). You will look petty for being so angry that dad is spending time with his son. Dad doesnt have to talk, email, text, or FIGHT with you (needing some attention? or just wondering why the people around you dont want to BE around you?) Depending on your state, child support for special needs kids can end at between 18-21...but, oh wait, you have no court enforced support.

      You will get NOTHING from filing.....

      Comment


      • #4
        re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

        It's a real head scratcher isn't it.

        Comment


        • #5
          re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

          Clearly you are a resentful father and this site is not conducive to mutually respectful discussions. I don't know what your situation is but it has apparently affected your ability to be impartial.

          FYI- My child's father didn't start paying support at all until he was 6- then was paying a ridiculously low amount (nothing close to what my state requires) while at the same time, allowing ME to take care of all his medical and educational needs (these needs were extensive due to his disability and many fees were out of pocket expenses). While my child was growing up he would take him on his assigned weekends if it was convenient for HIM, and would call me last minute to tell me he wasn't taking him. When he did have my child his mother took care of him. It's real easy to have a relationship with a child now that he's an adult & all the hard work of RAISING is done. So don't start judging me just b/c I'm asking for what my child is LEGALLY entitled to.

          And is it gutless to want to cut ties w/me? ABSOLUTELY if the reason you're cutting ties is because you're just going to stop paying support when you're STILL OBLIGATED TO PAY

          I kept it out of the courts b/c I did not want my child being exposed to the negativity involved... father's family would bad-mouth me enough without adding fuel, and HE didn;t want me to know how much money he REALLY made so to me it was a win-win situation.

          Had I known this was a support group for deadbeat dads, I would have reconsidered posting.

          Comment


          • #6
            re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

            Ouch !

            If you had no court records of child support, and he was never ordered to by the court, then you are SOL.

            Sorry if the truth hurts, but i am not a deadbeat dad, nor do i agree with them, but I will tell people when they are out of line. And you Ma'am are out of line, seeking to hurt him does not help anything.

            Much Respect.
            Michael..

            Comment


            • #7
              re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

              Originally posted by otal99 View Post
              Clearly you are a resentful father and this site is not conducive to mutually respectful discussions. I don't know what your situation is but it has apparently affected your ability to be impartial.

              FYI- My child's father didn't start paying support at all until he was 6- then was paying a ridiculously low amount (nothing close to what my state requires) while at the same time, allowing ME to take care of all his medical and educational needs (these needs were extensive due to his disability and many fees were out of pocket expenses). While my child was growing up he would take him on his assigned weekends if it was convenient for HIM, and would call me last minute to tell me he wasn't taking him. When he did have my child his mother took care of him. It's real easy to have a relationship with a child now that he's an adult & all the hard work of RAISING is done. So don't start judging me just b/c I'm asking for what my child is LEGALLY entitled to.

              And is it gutless to want to cut ties w/me? ABSOLUTELY if the reason you're cutting ties is because you're just going to stop paying support when you're STILL OBLIGATED TO PAY

              I kept it out of the courts b/c I did not want my child being exposed to the negativity involved... father's family would bad-mouth me enough without adding fuel, and HE didn;t want me to know how much money he REALLY made so to me it was a win-win situation.

              Had I known this was a support group for deadbeat dads, I would have reconsidered posting.

              I side with whomever presents a valid LEGAL argument, and many times it is the female on here. You are bitter because now realize that you never took the steps necesary, are now on hard times, and are looking for $$$. YOUR FAULT


              I actually voluntarily pay more than my state requires to make sure my daughter has what she needs, and i dont even ask for credit for days I have her, so your observation is way off.

              Again, you are mad because people arent giving you the answers you want. There would have been NO nasty court battle for child support, you contact the state, they calculate, they collect!!!! YOUR FAULT. You allowed him to NOT tell you the amount he made by taking his word for it. YOUR FAULT. Depending on your state, he doesnt have to pay any more child support due to your sons age. YOUR FAULT. dad cut all ties with you because you want to argue with you because you call him a gutless coward and afraid of confrontation (who wants that). YOUR FAULT. Whatever he has done in the past, he is now making amends with his son, and YOU are mad about it and bitter. YOUR FAULT. To answer one of your last questions, yes you are "screwed." YOUR FAULT

              Your name calling of people because they tell the truth to you, shows what a small person you are. Post your original post on any legal site and you will get the same, probalby more, results. Gbyte is a mom who has been through a challenging time wth her ex, and she even thought you were ridiculous.

              Comment


              • #8
                re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

                There are indeed a lot of dads on here that are bitter, but I am a mom. Your case is however a bit baffeling to me. If only I had half the "problems" you did, I'd do a jig! I realize your stressed and upset now, but there is NO obligation for the father to pay support until a court orders one. Your talking about a 20yr old who has graduated high school and is collecting social security.

                Yes, maybe the father couldn't handle the child much during the harder years. Maybe it doesn't feel "fair" now that he wants to be around and doing fun things. But does your son hate it? Do you think it's bad for your son to do fun things with his dad?

                You need to let go of the past and think about the here and NOW. If you need something...REALLY need something... mail a letter. Let your son enjoy his father. Don't let the past resentment towards his father affect you and your son today.

                You can choose to let go of the past and LIVE, or dwell in anger, bitterness and resentment. The second route is a miserable path. Take the high road and live for today.

                Comment


                • #9
                  re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

                  It's understandable why there are a lot of fathers who are bitter, what with our country's unjust and arbitrary family court system. Couple that with the archaic manner in which unwed mothers are treated as married mothers and can go after any Tom, Dick or Harry whom they allowed to impregnate, and it's not too far a stretch to imagine why and how there are so many bitter, justifiably angry fathers. Sadly, men don't unite and stand up for their rights. If the same court system was as biased against mothers as it currently is against fathers, you can bet women would have banded together, taken their cause to legislature, and these laws would be repealed by now. It's historically been women who have gotten laws passed, changed, amended, repealed. Men complain, but that's as far as they are willing to go.

                  I do agree with the last poster, however, in that if the son is benefiting from his newfound relationship with his father, and the father has stepped up to the plate now, isn't it better late than never? What's the harm in that?

                  It seems as if you are simply angry that he's cut ties with you, and you're looking for a way to make him pay attention to you. They say indifference is the best way to anger another person and apparently that's true.

                  Be happy his father is trying to make amends and get over your urge for vindictiveness. So he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn't have to have anything to do with you. And people don't cut ties for no reason. There must be a reason he's done so.

                  Let your son have this time with his father.

                  Incidentally, this isn't a "support group for deadbeat dads". That term gets thrown around entirely too much. It's offensive. Would you anymore want to be labeled a deadbeat mom?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

                    It takes two to "impregnate". Blaming the mother only for getting pregnant is quite offensive.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

                      That's correct. It does. Therefore it makes no sense when people on here say the father has no rights and the child "belongs" solely to the mother. That is not only offensive, it's ludicrous and extremely illogical. Unless immaculate conception is making a comeback, that is.

                      Read what was said again. The woman ALLOWS herself to become pregnant. That is her part in the "it takes two" equation. Comprehension is key here.

                      One of the many things wrong with our society today is that marriage is considered a more serious commitment than having a child together. It's become the taxpayer's burden for that kind of irresponsible behavior.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

                        And the man ALLOWS himself to impregnate her. Often the woman wants the child (even if a mistake or concieved despite birth control), the man doesn't. The man is just as responsible for conception as the woman. A couple "allows" conception...not just the woman and not just the man. Not a difficult concept. Once conception occurs, it does. Depending on beliefs, there's nothing that can be done at that point.

                        Yes, our society is screwed up. Saving sex until marriage would be the logical solution...but not practical really.

                        It's easy to tell the mother of a baby when a birth outside of marriage occurs. Not so with the father. Even when the father is named and "known" (but often wrong fathers are listed and DNA testing should be performed with unmarried couples in my opinion) - how do you propose the have rights without a court order? Default custody orders issued at birth? Or, whomever has the child in their possession has custody? ie - the whoever kidnaps the child last theory that is spouted around here.

                        Our society is screwed up. Our courts do the best they can at dealing with that. Not all cases should be treated equally and not all fathers should have or even want equal rights.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

                          "Not all cases should be treated equally and not all fathers should have or even want equal rights." This is said right after "it takes two" to make a baby. Which is it? If it takes two to have a baby, why do you insist that ONLY the mother should have the rights and fathers should not?

                          I also agree that not all mothers should have or even want equal rights.

                          Men have NO reproductive rights whatsoever. Women, on the other hand, do. Men are just like every other male creature on this earth. They procreate until they die. That is their role on this planet, regardless of whether we humans think we're more special than any other species, here to perform some other mystifying task. Women, on the other hand, only have so many reproductive years, so many eggs. This really isn't a difficult concept. There is also the concept of birth control. Women KNOW they can become pregnant if they have unprotected sex and it is ultimately their choice, and nobody else's, if she does become pregnant and if she decides to give birth or not. Men do not have that luxury.

                          If you're asking what my opinion is, I believe also that all men should demand a paternity test. I also believe it should be mandatory when a couple is unwed.

                          Secondly, if the woman acknowledges who the father is by signing a birth certificate, she is admitting to and wanting that man to be the father to her baby. She herself is giving him "rights" to a child HE helped to create. You can't have it both ways by insisting HE helped get her pregnant but then turning around and saying HE has no rights to the child. It's simply illogical and contradictory in nature.

                          It's difficult to obtain levity when one has been burned by the opposite sex so badly that is embitters them for life about all members of that gender. This affects seeing both sides in matters such as child custody, parentage with any modicum of maturity. Unfortunately, that is all too often the case. This blame game has to stop at some point.

                          While it may surprise you, there are many men out there who want to be fathers. I've met all too many men who have been devastated when their partner has an abortion and there is nothing he can do to stop it. If it takes two, there should be equality there. Put yourself in one of those men's shoes. What if you wanted desperately to be a father but your partner aborted your baby without your consent? How do you think that would make you feel to be so powerless and helpless that you could not even fight to ensure your child had the chance to be born?

                          To continue to insist that men are not capable or even willing to be just as good at parenting their child as the mother is simply flawed logic and extremely naive. And it reeks of bitterness toward men in general.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

                            When did I insist only the mother should have rights? You are indeed very bitter.

                            In the case of unmarried parents, custody shouldn't be whomever kidnaps the child last which is what you appear to advocate. Giving each parent equal rights puts the mother in a recovery position at the hospital while the father checks out the baby. Father puts baby in childcare, mother takes child from childcare, mother goes into hiding while awaiting court, father denied all contact since he can "retake custody" at any time. Back and forth back and forth until months later when a court hears the case and issues temporary orders (as you're probably also the same poster that beleives exparte orders should only order custody if the childs life is in danger).

                            Rights of the father should be decided via court order in unmarried cases. And no, a man shouldn't be able to stop a woman from having an abortion. A friend of mine was once date raped and impregnated. The man found out about it. Had he had the legal right to stop her from an abortion, he would have. Prosecuting date rape is guaranteed to fail unless he beats the crap out of you in the process.

                            You have a brick between your ears it appears. Your case isn't every case. It's NOT BLACK AND WHITE. No one solution will work for everyone.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              re: Help with deadbeat dad - Son has special needs, receiving SSI

                              Well that's nice but I really am not here to trade insults with anyone or indulge anyone in non-qualified psycho-analysis. If it makes you feel better to do so, knock yourself out.

                              If you do not like what others have to say, please keep in mind that you are under no obligation to respond. Practice a little restraint and learn to comprehend that not everyone shares your opinion.

                              Comment

                              Previously entered content was automatically saved. Restore or Discard.
                              Auto-Saved
                              Stick Out Tongue :p Smile :) Mad :mad: Wink ;) Frown :( Big Grin :D Confused :confused: Embarrassment :o Roll Eyes (Sarcastic) :rolleyes: Cool :cool: EEK! :eek:
                              x

                              the color of snow is... (write the answer twice with an "@" between the words)

                              widgetinstance 213 (Related Topics) skipped due to lack of content & hide_module_if_empty option.
                              Working...
                              X