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Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

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  • Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

    buy a another cat......

  • #2
    re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

    Originally posted by chevy View Post
    One week ago, myself and live in girlfriend got into an argument which lead to me being charged with domestic violence. She was never hit, I pushed her and she fell back onto a coffee table, in a seated position. She stated she didn’t want an arrest to be made, but as I have researched, in such cases the police must arrest someone, the aggressor. We are still a couple and want our self-inflicted situation to disappear….unfortunately she can’t simply drop the charges as I have found out through research. Questions that arise are… what actions can we take for a result with the least amount of repercussions? The jail officers mentioned that with it being the first offense, the judge may drop the case/charges after a year timeframe whereas no other incidents occur. Is this called… Diversion or retirement of the charges? Which can can effectively erase the charges after meeting the court's criteria within a certain period of time. Also, she has not received any documentation/subpoena to appear at court. My first court date is tomorrow, if she doesn’t attend, they will rescheduled, if she doesn’t receive a subpoena for second court date, I’ve heard they have no choice but to drop the charges, is this likely? What are the odds for a dismissal or reduction in charges for agreeing to anger management classes, or other possibilities? Again, we just want to put this behind us.
    Domestic violence isn't limited to hitting your partner. The pushing her hard enough to lose her balance so that she fell and landed on the coffee table still qualifies as domestic violence. You STILL put your hands on her such that the result was an injury, however minor you consider it to be.

    Yes, in many communities, any physical violence in a domestic situation, especially where there is evidence of the violence (visible injuries, bruises, etc.), they are REQUIRED to arrest the aggressor (in this case, YOU, who chose to put your hands on her).

    While you may think this situation is behind you and you just want to act like it never happened, the reality is that you resorted to putting your hands on your girlfriend during a heated argument. This time, the result was relatively minor, but NEXT TIME, you could lose control even more extensively - and do some serious damage to her in the process. The whole point to prosecuting even first-time domestic violence cases is to make sure that there will NEVER be a second or subsequent occurrence. Statistically speaking, every subsequent incident tends to be more and more severe, and can result in serious injury or death in the victim.

    Understand that even with a voluntary admission to the actions that led to the charge, many courts are not willing to just write it off and act like it never happened. You WILL get some kind of penalty, such as anger management or domestic violence prevention counseling, and you will PROBABLY get some kind of community service sentencing requirement (perhaps at a morgue, hospital, or DV shelter).

    Your girlfriend can't make this situation disappear by not showing up in court, either. The court may well go after her for contempt if she fails to appear and testify as to what happened. The law does not mess around in situations like this, because it is all too common for the victim to be bullied or guilted into trying to drop the case, only to have a repeat performance later on.

    You want this to go away? Get a good attorney, and own up to your actions.
    "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
    "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
    "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

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    • #3
      re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

      chevy

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      • #4
        re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

        Once the police are called, its game over. No one can unring that bell.
        Due to a recent promotion, I should now be referred to as Major Obvious.

        I would not be trying to provide information and knowledge if I did not sympathize.

        Some days it is just not worth chewing through the restraints to face life.

        Comment


        • #5
          re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

          nice.. thanks for that wise insight, agreeable....

          Comment


          • #6
            re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

            Originally posted by chevy View Post
            we are not the perfect couple, show me one that is... the information supplied is condensed and to the point. there is irrelavant information that i can add... in some sense my actions were in defense of her hitting me. she has broken a small bone in her hand in the past while throwing punches on me. inwhich required a doc visit. what kind of man calls the police on his wife, g.f. hitting him.. really..? not me. we were possiably spitting up and going through the motions concerning custody/parenting plan concerning our child.. so during the timeframe of the incident.. emotions were running high. i am not a violent person, have no prior history of any crimes...
            It's YOUR choice not to call the police on her if she gets violent with you. Call it what you will, but there is NEVER an excuse to put your hands on your partner in the midst of a heated argument - REGARDLESS of whether its the man or woman that does it.

            You say you're not a violent person? That's clearly not true - because if it were, you would never have to resort to getting physical in order to get your point across in the middle of your argument. Add to that the emotional element, and MANY people who would otherwise not have violent tendencies will lash out physically in frustration. That doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but you refuse to LEARN from the experience. Instead, you both want to just pretend it never happened - and that is simply unrealistic, especially now that you were arrested and face prosecution for your "mistake".

            Ask yourself this - did pushing her solve your problems, or did it just compound them? Is the idea of splitting up and having to decide where your child lives no longer something that either of you are thinking about? I'm going to say NO.
            "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
            "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
            "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

            Comment


            • #7
              re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

              listen claus... go judge on someone elses theard. not interested in judgemental opinions... go buy another cat.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

                Originally posted by chevy View Post
                listen claus... go judge on someone elses theard. not interested in judgemental opinions... go buy another cat.
                No wonder your girlfriend was (or IS) considering splitting up with you and taking your kid. I wouldn't want someone around my child that couldn't own up to his own responsibilities, either.

                Good luck with the judge. You think what you heard here is uncomfortable? Just wait. And the best part is that you can't haul off and PUSH the judge when you don't get your way.

                Seriously. Grow up.
                "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
                "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
                "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, but a CHOICE."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

                  "Domestic violence" is assault. Just having a personal relationship with someone does not give them the right to lay hands on that person any more than it does a stranger.

                  That is why someone charged with domestic violence will be prosecuted under the criminal laws -- just the same as if they laid hands on, pushed, shoved, hit a stranger in the supermarket.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

                    Questions?
                    My boyfriend I got into an argument which led to him pulling my hair pushing me out the door
                    My son tried to help so he then turn on him and punched him knocking him down
                    I tried for them to stop them

                    I don't want him to go to jail
                    I want both of us just to move on with our own lives
                    He was arrested for hitting a minor
                    My son just want him out of lives so do I
                    Is their a way to drop the charges?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

                      Your adult boyfriend attacked your minor child (after attacking you) and you'd like the charges dropped on this person?

                      Having him sitting in prison for a while is an excellent way to get him out of your lives.

                      And no, it is not up to you to decide to drop the charges.

                      Gail

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

                        Originally posted by lpz View Post
                        Questions?
                        My boyfriend I got into an argument which led to him pulling my hair pushing me out the door
                        My son tried to help so he then turn on him and punched him knocking him down
                        I tried for them to stop them

                        I don't want him to go to jail
                        I want both of us just to move on with our own lives
                        He was arrested for hitting a minor
                        My son just want him out of lives so do I
                        Is their a way to drop the charges?


                        Getting the charges dropped is a complicated matter. You as such do not have the power to drop charges. The prosecutor is in charge of the case. However, you can certainly try to drop the charges against him. If he has an attorney, discuss the matter with him first.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Domestic violence charge... We want it behind us.

                          Dear heart, keeping him in jail is the best way to get him out of your life. Do you really think he will just 'let you go' if he is walking around free? Nope. He'll be texting, calling, cutting your tires, calling your mother, and kidnapping your cat. If you are lucky, he won't call your work and tell them lies, get your car repossessed, have all your utilities cut off, give notice in your name at your apartment, and file countercharges for harrassment. IF you are lucky.

                          Let the prosecutor do his thing. It is no longer your circus, or your monkeys.

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